Not A Day Goes By
by McRaider
Summary: Updated version of CHapter Eight and CHAPTER NINE IS UP(WIP)
1. Unsaid Goodbyes

Not A Day Goes By

By Stephanie Lynn

**Challenge 192)**What if Mark has amnesia and disappears for twenty some years then wakes up one morning and returns with his memory only to find things have really changed. Up to the writer to decide how Mark gets amnesia and why he leaves, also how the lives of Jesse, Amanda and Steve have changed. - Vikki Lynn

**Summary**-Mark is headed to a conference in Seattle Washington when there's a bad accident and he gets injured. He's rushed to the nearest hospital, but his ID wasn't found, and he doesn't know who he is. Steve finds out that his father never made it to the conference three days later when he never gets a phone call from his father. He begins to search for his father, but by this time his father is in the ICU, with no clue who he is, and no one can tell Steve anything. Steve continues to work and try to find his father in his free time for nearly a month, Amanda and Jesse, although not wanting to admit it, believe he's probably dead by now. Amanda calls Jack to let him know. This is a story of the next twenty years. It mainly revolves around Steve, Jesse, Jack and Amanda; how they grow and develop. I tried to keep everything as factual as possible so work with me here if I'm off only a little.

**Disclaimer**-I don't own Steven Sloan, Mark Sloan, Jesse Travis, Jack Stewart, Cheryl Banks, Captain Newman or Alex Smith. I do not own any of the characters you know and love, if I did I would be famous, but I'm not and I don't. However I do own all the characters that you don't recognize and know well. They are mine, such as Mandy Stewart, Allie O'Connell, Jenny McDowell ect. Any songs in here, most likely I do not own. The ideas are mine and the challenge is mine. Yes I know it says Vikki Lynn, that was my pen name back then.

**Author's Note**-This story begins in 1992, CJ has just turned five, Dion is eight. Steve is about forty, Amanda and Jack are about thirty-eight and Jesse is about twenty-six. Mark is about sixty-five or sixty-six. I hope those all work out, I tried to keep it within a certain age level by 2012, which is when the story ended, so it didn't seem to strange. I know in 1992 that Jack was still there and such, but please work with me and we'll speed things up here a little bit.

**Rated**- This story is rated PG-13 at the current moment, for extreme violence, language, and some non-graphic sex. 

**Chapter One-Unsaid Goodbyes**

**November 21st, 1992**

            Steve sighed and loaded the back of the car up for his father. Steve's left arm still in a sling from the bullet wound he had received a week ago. Just as he was closing the trunk his father came out of the house. Steve smiled at the older man, Steve's father, Mark Sloan, was Head of Internal Medicine at Community General Hospital and a consultant for the Police Department. At sixty-six the man barely showed his age, he was a very active man. 

            "All right, you've got my cell phone number, do I have everything, I feel like I'm forgetting something," Mark said looking around as he patted his breast and pant pockets. Steve chuckled lightly.

            "Dad, the only thing your forgetting is that you have a schedule to keep. Give me a phone call when you get there and take care of yourself okay," Steve said smiling lightly. Mark was going away to a Medical Conference in Seattle, Washington. Although he generally disliked these things, he had to go because he was in charge of the hospital. 

            Mark smiled and looked over at his son, "all right, I guess I'll see you in a week." Mark said calmly. Steve nodded and watched his father get into the car.

            "Bye Son," Mark said waving out the window. Steve nodded and waved back, something nagging him at the back of his mind, whatever it was he quickly pushed it aside, not wanting to worry his father. Mark never liked leaving Steve alone, since he was a child, and especially when Steve had recently been injured. 

            "Bye dad," Steve said and watched the car drive away. He sighed and turned to head back into the house, something still was nagging him in the back of his mind, as though his mind were telling him to tell Mark something, because he wouldn't see him in a week.

            Steve walked into the hospital a day later, smiling widely, he had received a call from his father, that he had arrived at a hotel for the night, and would reach Seattle in a day. Today Steve was supposed to be checked so he could get back to duty, and he was eager. Steve was a Lieutenant Detective of Homicide for the LAPD. He was good at his job, and rarely didn't crack a case. With the help of his father, and their two friends Amanda Bentley and Jesse Travis a case rarely crossed their paths that didn't get solved in the end, by some clever thought from Mark. 

            Amanda Bentley and Jesse Travis were both doctors at Community General as well. Amanda was a forensic pathologist for the police department as well as the hospital. Jesse was an ER doctor and you would think he was a cop to as often as he was around the department helping Steve and Mark out.

            Steve found Jesse standing by a nurses station writing in a chart, and smiled at him. Jesse was a handsome young man, in his late twenties. He had sandy blond hair and blue green eyes. He was short, about 5'6, and skinny, trim but skinny. Jesse looked up from the file and smiled at his friend. Steve and Jesse were more like brothers than friends any more.

            "Hey, coming to get your arm checked out?" Jesse asked smiling.

            "Yeah, so can we make this quick, I told the Captain I would be in by noon if you gave me the go," Steve said. Jesse looked at him and shook his head.

            "Knowing you, you would be in by noon whether I gave you go ahead or not."

            "Well, you're probably right, however, since dad told Captain Newman to not let me back unless told by you, I won't be going back until you tell him I'm good to go. So can we get on with this?" Steve asked. Jesse nodded and led his friend towards a free exam room

            "All right, have a seat," Jesse said.

            "Jesse, have you ever had one of those feelings where you think something is wrong, but you don't know what?" Steve asked looking at his best friend. Jesse was checking the shoulder over, as well as the wound and looked at Steve for a second.

            "Yeah, sure, hasn't everyone," Jesse said. Steve nodded.

            "You all right?" Jesse asked looking at him.

            "I don't know, I just have one of those feelings," Jesse nodded and began to move Steve's arm.

            "Does this hurt?" He asked.

            "No."

            "A bad feeling about what?" Jesse asked.

            "I don't know, I just have one," Jesse looked at him and wrote some things down in his chart.

            "About work?" Jesse asked setting the chart down beside Steve on the exam table.

            "No, I don't think so."

            "Hmm, well you look good to go, you're wound healed up fine, ice it if it starts hurting, you know the routine."

            "Yeah, I will, thanks Jess."

            "Hey Steve, you sure you're okay?" Steve looked down for a second then nodded.

            "Yeah, hey I'll see you and Amanda at Bob's for dinner tonight," he said.

            "You buying?" Jesse asked.

            "Sure, if you buy tomorrow," Jesse smiled.

            "Sure, I'll see you later Steve," Steve nodded and walked out of the exam room. Jesse watched him go and sighed.

            Ambulances rushed in as the doctors whizzed by, grabbing patients, one doctor with black hair and gray eyes gripped the gurney, where a older man in his sixties with gray hair and a gray mustache lay unconscious. The man had a white bandage around his head, a spot of blood showing through.

            "What have we got?" The black haired doctor said.

            "John Doe, bad head wound, possible pneumothorax," a nurse with graying brown hair and gray eyes said as she continued to bag the man.

            "No ID?" The doctor asked.

            "No doctor," the nurse responded.

            "All right, let's get to work.

            Steve sat in the chair next to Amanda as they ate dinner that night at Bar-B-Q Bobs, the diner Jesse and Steve owned. Amanda noticed first that Steve was just poking at his food more than eating it.

            "Steve, are you all right?" She asked.

            "Huh, oh yeah, I'm fine," he lied. Amanda looked at him and sighed.

            "He could just be a little late you know," Amanda said. 

            "What," Steve said, then he realized she was talking about his father.

            "Or he's busy Steve, I'm sure it's nothing serious, or else he would have called you by now," Jesse suggested.

            "Unless he couldn't," Steve said lowly.

            "Steve, he'll probably call you tomorrow morning, he was probably tired and need some rest," explained Amanda.

            "Yeah, maybe you're right," Steve admitted.

            "Now, can we have a nice dinner, or are you going to worry your head off, eat," Jesse said, "you'll make this place look like we have bad food," he smiled. Steve snickered lightly.

            "Sorry guys," he said.

            "Don't be sorry Steve, we know you love your dad," Amanda said softly.

            Nurse Margaret Donavan had been John Doe's nurse since he came in the day before, and was surprised to find him awake early the next morning when she came in to check over his vitals.

            "Well, good morning," she said sweetly. She had been a nurse for forty years here, and had a bedside manner better than some doctors.

            "Good morning, um, I don't want to sound rude, but where am I?" He asked.

            "Salem, Oregon. You're in a hospital, do you remember what happened?" 

            "No, what happened?" He asked.

            "There was a large car accident; you had a head injury and a collapsed lung. We couldn't find any identification on you; can you tell me your name?" She asked.

            "Mark…" he stopped, he didn't remember his name.

            "Mark, do you know what year it is?" She asked.

            "No, I don't remember," he said quietly. The nurse nodded.

            "Okay, I'm going to go get the doctor, my name is Nurse Maggie, just call me Maggie if you need anything," Mark nodded and watched her leave. He sat back and tried to remember something.

            A few minutes later a younger doctor came in, he had a chart in his hands.

            "I'm Doctor Thomas Cane, I was the one who took care of you in the ER, Maggie says you can't remember anything?" He said.

            "Yes, that's correct."

            "All right, well let's see, Maggie can you order a CT, MRI and head X-ray. Mark, I'm going to take some pictures of your brain. I have the feeling the reason for the amnesia is because you have swelling in the brain."

            "Will I remember everything as soon as the swelling goes down?" Mark asked.

            "I don't know, we'll have to wait and see. Some people recover and remember everything, others don't. It depends on the person too."

            "All right," Mark said gently.

            Steve sighed as he prowled the hospital's doctor lounge, Amanda and Jesse watched him nervously, he hadn't heard from his father in three days. Even they had to agree that this was very unlike Mark.

            "Steve, just calm down, there has to be a logical reason he wouldn't call you," Amanda explained.

            "Yeah, like something happened to him," Steve said.

            "Steve, we don't know that, so why don't you just calm down and have a seat," Jesse said.

            "No, I'm going to Seattle, to find my father," Steve said.

            "Not without us you aren't," Amanda said. She was worried too.

            "I can't go, I already wasted my vacation days," Jesse said.

            "We'll call you as soon as we know anything Jess," Steve said calmly.

            "All right, just be careful, I don't want to lose all of you," Jesse said. He and Amanda both saw Steve wince slightly, Amanda touched his arm.

            "Don't worry Steve, we'll find him, and he'll be fine," she said, unsure if she was trying to convince him or herself.

            The car drive had been silent for the past four hours, Amanda looked at Steve, he was edgy, nervous and hurting inside. She wondered what was going through his mind. As a mother, all she could think of sometimes was what would happen if her children were ever in trouble. Steve had to be imagining all types of horrible circumstances.

            "Steve, are you all right?" Amanda asked quietly. He sighed and looked over at her slightly, his face down trodden.

            "No, not really. I don't know what to think, it's not like dad to forget something like calling. I'm worried about him," Steve explained.

            "Steve, try not to worry too much, I'm sure he's fine," Amanda said.

            "Yeah, I guess, but I feel better as soon as I know for myself," he said calmly.

            "Won't we all," Amanda agreed. Steve sighed, as he felt his head continue to pulse, he looked over at Amanda and smiled.

            "Want some lunch?" He asked gently.

            "I would love some," she replied. A few minutes later they were sitting at a table talking.

            "I've been so worried about my father, I completely forgot that yesterday was Thanksgiving, course if I don't find him, there won't be much to be thankful for, will I?" Steve said. He felt Amanda place a hand on his, looking up he cocked a smile gently.

            "Thanks Amanda," he whispered.

            "Steve, I know you're worried, but I want you to know that no matter what we fine, we're here to help you."

            "I know you are, and I'm glad dad has such good friends, and that I have such good friends," he said.

            "Come on Steve, we should get back out on the road," She said.

            "Where are we anyway?" Steve asked.

            "Salem, Oregon," Amanda answered as the two got into the car. 

            "Amanda, could you call Jack when we get home, I'd like him to be here if we don't find dad. Even if we do, I'd like him here."

            "Of course Steve," she said smiling. She found herself smiling inwardly. She had always liked Jack, and would be thrilled to see him again. Now one had heard from him in five years.

            "Out with it Amanda," Steve said gently.

            "What?" She said. Steve smiled.

            "You're smiling, now I know when my name is said you don't smile like that. In fact you rarely smile like that when Colin's name is said, so why don't you tell me you're thinking?"

            "Nothing…" he looked at her again.

            "You like Jack don't you?" He said smiling. A grin split across her face.

            "I thought he drove you nuts," Steve said chuckling.

            "He did, at first, but eventually, he grew on me," she said smiling.

            "You sound like a school girl. Are you in love with him?" 

            "I don't know, I mean, at first it was like he was my over protective brother, but after being around you for years and Jesse. All I know is the feelings I have when I was with Jack, and the feelings I have around you and Jesse, are two totally different things."

            "He's a good catch Amanda. You and Jesse have become my younger siblings the past years, and I can tell you now, if Carol were dating a guy like Jack, I wouldn't have much of a problem," Steve said smiling.

            "He doesn't know," Steve chuckled.

            "Are you kidding me! You mean you don't know?" Amanda looked at Steve.

            "Know what?"

            "Jack loved you from the second he laid eyes on you. I mean, sure he had other girlfriends, but we used to sit and talk about you all the time. He had it for you bad Amanda," Steve replied.

            "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked slightly hurt.

            "We didn't know how you felt about him, and he didn't want to make you annoyed." 

            "Well Mark, we got the images back," Dr. Cane said, Maggie lagging behind him. Mark looked at them both.

            "Well, how bad is it?" He asked.

            "There isn't much swelling, but there is some scar tissue, which seems to causing the amnesia," Dr. Cane explained.

            "So how long until I remember something," Mark asked.

            "Hopefully not too long, but the brain is a complicated tool. For now we can give you a last name and help you try and start some type of life so that you don't spend every minute of this time sitting here." Mark nodded calmly.

            "So basically I spend my life trying to act normal, not knowing if I'm married, have children, divorced, have friends, parents, or anything?" He said.

            "Look Mark, I'm really sorry. I wish I could do something more, but the truth is amnesia is a problem that can only fix itself. You can't rush this kind of thing, believe me I wish I could."

            "So what's my new name going to be?" He asked.

            "That's why Maggie is here, she'll help you with that, get to know her, I think you'll like her a lot. Maggie I'll be back in a few hours," Dr. Cane said and left the room.

            "Well, let's think of some names, there must be one that fits you." He nodded and sighed.

            Steve hurried over to the counter in the hotel and looked at the man, pulling out a picture he showed it to the man.

            "Have you seen this man, he's my father, his name is Marcus Sloan," Steve said.

            "No sir, I haven't seen a man like that," Steve sighed and turned around. He and Amanda had been checking places all day. They had even stopped by several hospitals and asked around. No one knew anything, Steve slowly walked out of the hotel and sat on a near by bench, they had been looking for two days, and he was starting to lose hope.

            "Steve, are you all right?" Amanda asked, coming up to him.

            "No, my father could be anywhere, and for some reason he can't contact me," Steve explained quietly.

            "Steve, you just have to wait and see, we don't know anything right now. You can't start thinking anything." Steve shook his head.

            "No Amanda, I've worked on cases were people have been missing for years, and eventually no one cares anymore."

            "Steve, that's not going to happen, he's your father. I know you won't let it happen."

            "I want to stop at every police station on the way back to LA," he said.

            "Steve, no. We're not going to do that, I know your worried, but that would be pointless and take time. I love you, but you need to get it together. Let's go home, make some calls and see if we can't find out anything else."

            "I can't just sit around and do nothing Amanda!" Steve yelled.

            "No, but you can't go around harassing every police station from here to Los Angeles. You're a cop Steve, a good one; I won't let you do that. Now let's go home, I'm driving." She said.

            "All right," Steve said defeated. Amanda sighed as they slowly got into the car; she looked at Steve and shook her head.

            Jesse looked up as the door to the doctor's lounge opened up, Steve and Amanda walking through, both looking depressed, and Jesse knew why. They hadn't found anything. 

            "Don't worry Steve, we'll keep looking," Jesse said calmly, wishing he could do something for his friend. 

            "I have a phone call to make, I'll be back in a little while," Amanda said calmly, she touched Steve's arm and looked into his crystal blue eyes.

            "We'll find him," she said, then left. He shook his head.

            "I'm going to work," Steve said, leaving Jesse alone in the doctor's lounge.

            The ringing of his phone awoke Jack Stewart late afternoon of November 29th. He waited to see if the sound would continue, finally reaching over he picked the phone up off its cradle.

            "What?" He said, his Brooklyn accent all to clear.

            "Jack, its Amanda Bentley," at this name and voice Jack sat up in his bed, clad only in a pair of boxers and an undershirt. 

            "Amanda?" He asked, unsure why she would be calling him. They hadn't spoken in five years. He rubbed his face roughly; he had worked a night shift last night, and got home only about two hours ago, getting sleep was a major thought on his mind. He ran a hand through his dark hair and listened for a moment, he could hear his TV on in the living room, then he turned his mind back to the phone.

            "Jack, I need… we need you here. Mark has disappeared, and Steve isn't coping well. I don't think he's dead, but truth is Steve could use all the friends he has right now," Jack nodded. Truth was he had been thinking about returning to LA for a long time now, he had no reason to stick around anymore, since the death of his wife Angela, he had found this place a continuous, hurting, bleeding memory of the beautiful woman.

            "I'll be there as soon as I can," he said calmly.

            "Jack, I'm sorry if this sounds abrupt, but we'd be thrilled if you decided to stay too," Amanda whispered. Jack smiled slightly, he could hear something different in her voice. He had changed since she had last seen him, then again being married and fatherhood could do that to someone. 

            "We'll see what I can do, bye Amanda," he said hanging up the phone. He smiled and shook his head. He reached out to a chair near by and grabbed a pair of jeans and hurriedly got them on.

            "Mandie," he called, he entered the living room of the small one story house and smiled as he saw his beautiful daughter fast asleep in her play pen. At two years, the toddler had black hair and bright blue eyes, just like her mother. She was a beautiful baby. Reaching out Jack lifted the sleeping toddler into his arms and kissed her, then held her tightly.

            "Well munchkin, it's time to go home," he said. He looked around and shook his head, he wouldn't miss this place much, he had remained her for his wife, and then after she died two years ago he had found odd reasons to remain in Colorado, but now he finally had a reason to return. He packed some clothes for himself, and then all of his daughter's toys, figuring he could just buy stuff once they got there.

            "Marcus Jeremiah Johnson?" Maggie asked. Mark shook his head, he and Maggie had been going through names for hours by now. Not one did he really like, but he was quickly coming to enjoy the older woman's company.

            "Marcus Jeremiah Sloan?" She asked, Mark had loved the name Jeremiah. He paused and thought about the last name.

            "It sounds good, but no," he said.

            "All right, let's see, Marcus Anderson," she said. His eyes lit up pleasantly.

            "I like it," he said smiling.

            "It's a good sturdy name, we'll stick with that until you get your memory back."

            "Where am I going to live?" He said slightly.

            "Well, you're welcome to stay with me for a while. I know I hardly know you, but I don't see you posing any threat to me. I could probably get you some job, I'm sure your good at something," Mark smiled.

            "I can't ask you to do this for me," he said.

            "Nonsense, Mark, you're alone right now, you don't remember anything, I'm not going to allow you to be released for you to wander the entire country trying to find yourself, that would take twenty years."

            Jack watched the two year old girl sitting in the seat doodling all over the paper the stewardess had brought them. They had all found the girl adorable.

            "She's so cute, and she has such a handsome daddy," one had said. Jack had simply smiled. At times he felt it was too soon to date again. He had loved Angela, although not like he had loved Amanda, but he had loved the woman. Amanda had been different. Jack had been so taken by her the first time he had met the woman. He could still remember the millions of emotions that had coursed through his body in those few moments. Now he would be returning and maybe feel all of those emotions again. They had never really gone away, he still loved her without reason, but this time, hopefully he could grow on that love, and some day maybe even marry her.

            "This is your Captain speaking, we will be in LA momentarily, the weather is 74 degrees, and with a light rain. We hope you've enjoyed your trip on Continental," the captain's voice said. Jack sat back as the plane landed; the only thing running through his mind was Amanda. Several people waved goodbye to Mandie as they got off the plane, she was finding it amusing to wave back. He smiled gently as he continued to carry her. She instantly began to protest though, when he tried to put her in her carrier.

            "Mandie, don't start this, you know I can't hold you when we're in a car, so please calm down," he said gently as he locked her into the seat. The tiny tot continued to fuss, but she lessened as she noticed Jack's face. Soon she gave up and fell asleep.

            "Thank God," he whispered. Walking out with his bag on one arm and her diaper bag on the other, carrying her seat and her in his left hand he hailed a cab.

            "Where to mister?" The cabbie asked as he looked back at the innocent child sleeping.

            "Community General Hospital please, don't worry I'll pay you extra, I know it's a bit of a drive," Jack said.

            "Yes sir, cute baby," the cabbie said. Jack smiled as he got seated and slowly began to relax.

            "So, if you don't mind my asking, are you new to LA? Because I'm not sure a hospital is the best tourist place to go for your first time," the cab driver said jokingly. Jack chuckled lightly.

            "No, I've lived in LA since I was a teenager, I moved away when I was twenty nine, and I just got called back by an old friend," he explained lightly.

            "You gonna to stay?" He asked.

            "I don't know yet, probably, I loved LA," Jack replied.

            "You must love the woman too," the driver said. Jack smiled.

            "Yeah, I do," he whispered.

            "She the mother?"

            "No, my wife died two years ago, and I've been thinking about returning to LA, my friends are all here anyway," Jack explained.

            "Well, here we are, good luck mister, in whatever," the driver said. Jack smiled and paid the man and grabbed the luggage and his daughter. He looked down and smiled as the toddler was staring up at him.

            "What's that look for?" He asked, the baby smiled and pointed towards him.

            "Dadda," she said.

            "Yeah, don't remind me. I suppose you want out don't you?" He asked.

            "Yah!" The baby gurgled. Jack shook his head.

            "All right, come here you," he said, lifting the baby into his arms she smiled and instantly latched onto his neck.

            "What did I do to deserve this," he said. With everything in his arms, he walked into the hospital. Many women stopped to talk to the baby.

            "Where were you six years ago?" He asked Mandie. The baby giggled as Jack made his way to a nurse's station. A young nurse, with blond hair looked up and smiled at him.

            "Can I help you?"

            "I hope so, I'm looking for Amanda Bentley, she called me," he said as he sat his daughter one the counter top. The nurse instantly began to tickle her. 

            "She should be in the doctor's lounge with Dr. Travis and Lt. Sloan," Jack nodded.

            "Where's the Doctor's lounge, I haven't been here in awhile and this place seems pretty new to me," he said smiling his perfect smile at her. The nurse blushed as Jack gazed at her.

            "Down that hallway, last door to your left," the nurse said. Jack smiled and lifted his daughter back into his arms.

            "Thank you," Jack walked off towards the doctor's lounge.

            Steve sighed angrily as he drank the coffee, his mind solely on his father and finding him. Amanda was watching him, as Jesse was trying to eat his lunch. Suddenly a small toddler walked through the open door and gurgled.

            "Well hello there, who do you belong to?" Amanda asked as she smiled down at the beautiful little girl with big bright eyes and brown black hair.

            "Dadda," the baby said. Amanda smiled.

            "What's your name?"

            "Mandie," Jack's voice came from the door. Amanda looked up and smiled at him, Steve turned his head towards his old friend.

            "Jack!" Amanda gave him a large breath taking, bone crushing hug, causing him to smile. He pulled away slightly and looked into her chocolate eyes.

            "I've missed you," he whispered. He looked over at Steve and smiled, Jack reached out a hand to shake, but Steve pulled him into a hug.

            "I've missed you both," Jack said quietly. Stepping back he smiled and sat the luggage down, then he knelt down and lifted his daughter into his arms.

            "Steve, Amanda meet my two year old daughter, Amanda Marie. My angel," he whispered touching the baby's cheek and getting a giggle from her. Jack looked at Amanda, who was stunned by the name.

            "You're married?"

            "No, well yes, but my wife died two years ago, just after this little one was born, so I've been raising her ever since. I named her Amanda after you," Jack said looking into Amanda's eyes again. Steve smiled and lifted the baby from Jack's arms. Amanda watched Steve as he played with the two year old.

            "I call her Mandie for short," he said as Steve tickled the little girl, who wiggled and giggled.

            "Oh, Jack, this is our friend Jesse Travis. Jesse, this is Jack Stewart," Amanda said. Jesse rose from his spot and shook Jack's hand.

            "I've heard a lot about you," he said calmly.

            "Ditto, so someone want to fill me in on what's going on. I know you wouldn't call me unless it was an emergency," Jack said as Steve continued to hold the small girl.

            "Mark has disappeared," Amanda explained.

            "How?" Jack asked, looking at Steve, whose face had become downcast.

            "We don't know, I've been looking for him since I found out. There's no trace of him," Steve said somberly.

            "Steve, I'm really sorry, I'll do anything I can," Jack said.

            "Well, right now, it's getting late, you just got in, and you need a place to stay. Let's go to my house and eat some dinner and get you into the guest room at my house," Steve said smiling.

            "All right," Jack said. 

            Mark sighed as he sat in the bed, wishing he could think, Maggie opened the door and smiled at him.

            "Hi Mark, how are you today?"

            "Bored, I wish there was something I could think about, but every time I want to think about something, I don't remember it. It's like everything since now has been a big blank. Can that be possible? I have to have a life right, I'm probably in my sixties, there's no way I can't have kids, a wife and friends," he said.

            "Mark, give it time, amnesia is a tough thing to beat, you can't fight it, you have to accept it and try to move on until you do remember something.

            "How can I move on, what if I'm some type of convict, or drug dealer?" He asked. Maggie chuckled softly.

            "You don't strike me as either of those. You strike me as someone who loves kids, wants the best for everyone, and would do anything for someone close to you."

            "You're just guessing, we have no way of knowing any of that. All we know is that I came in here with no memory."

            "Time Mark, it needs time. So just relax and give yourself the time to heal. You will probably remember something eventually."

            "Until then, what do I do?"

            "You live, you go one and try to find ways to live the best you have."

            "I don't even have anything that would say I'm good at something."

            "Well, I'm sure you're good at something."

            "Maybe," Mark whispered.

            "I'm sure you are," she said.

            Jack sat at the table and watched his daughter play with the food, he smiled trying to persuade her to get anything into her mouth wasn't as easy as it looked. Meanwhile Steve and Amanda were filling him in on some of the latest adventures Mark and them had.

            "Sounds like Mark didn't change since I left," Steve shook his head.

            "No, if anything he's worse, although I must admit, I love having him around," Steve explained.

            "He loved being around Steve," Jesse said. Steve nodded, and sighed.

            "I'm going for a walk," he whispered. Jesse watched him get up, as did Amanda and Jack. Jesse watched him head down to the spot he and Mark used to share.

            "I'll be back," Jesse whispered.

            Jesse slowly descended the beach, towards Steve, who was seated on a small sand dune, he didn't say anything at first, just sat down beside him and joined him in listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.

            "Dad loves the ocean," Steve whispered, "So did mom," he added. Jesse said nothing, trying to find the right words that would express what he felt. Then he sighed.

            "Your dad, he could make anyone feel like just another one of the guys. He was good at making people comfortable; I believe that's why he became a doctor. One thing I know about your dad is the fact he loved you. I'm sure you've heard this, so I want dredge on it too much, but there were so many little things he did, said and thought. He would always talk about you when I first met him. I thought you were a king or something. Then came the time for me to meet you, I was terrified. Here I was, this new kid, after a friend just left, I was afraid you would hate me. Here was this guy, who was so smart, so strong, so persuasive and so…loving. I remember one time Amanda said 'Jesse your always telling me how you wish you could have the kind of relationship Steve has with Mark, well here's your chance.' Do you know what my response was?" He waited. Steve looked at him and shook his head no.

            "I looked at her and said with annoyance 'I don't want that with my dad, I want it with Steve's dad'. I wanted to be Mark's son. Eventually I think I did almost become his son, in the process I made the best friend I could ask for. I know how I'm feeling sucks, I want to cry because I'm afraid I've lost the best father I ever had. So if that's how I feel I can only imagine how you feel," Jesse said. Steve looked at Jesse, and gently slung an arm around the younger man's shoulders.

            "Best little brother I've ever had," Steve said smiling. Jesse chuckled.

            "You've never had a little brother," Jesse said.

            "Are you kidding me, I have the best little brother ever. He's short, and annoying, he's a great doctor and an even better friend," Jesse looked at Steve and smiled.

            "I love you big brother," Jesse whispered.

            "Thanks Jess, I love you too little bro," Steve said looking at him.

            "We'll find him Steve, and if we don't, we won't forget him."

            "I know Jess, and for that I'm thankful," The two sat there for a moment longer, staring at the ocean.

            "So, are you going to finish dinner?" Jesse asked.

            "Yes, and back off the ice cream in the freezer," Steve said smiling.

            "What kind," Steve shook his head.


	2. Unknown Friends

**Chapter Two**

**Unknown Friends**

**December 18, 1992**

            Some where in the recesses of his mind Steve knew what he was doing to himself, that he was sinking into a depression like state, but he didn't care, all he could really think of was the pain of losing his father. It had been a little under a month and so far there was no sight, word of indication that Mark Sloan, resident doctor and well known man was still alive. Amanda had attempted just get past the pain, and Jack had helped her with that, as well as little Mandie, but he and Jesse only had each other, they didn't have anyone. Mark had been that someone to help them whenever they were down. Both were so deep in depression they didn't try and cheer the other one up.

            Every moment Steve was off duty he would spend looking for his father, he had been every where he could think of, but no one had seen him or heard of him. Twice he had been asked to come to a murder scene, to identify someone, neither had been his father, thank god. Steve was jogging down the beach remembering how he had been on his way into Captain Newman's office to ask for some down time when he had met him at the door to strongly suggest the same thing. In fact, his exact words had been, 

            "I don't want to see your face around here again until Monday morning."            Steve supposed he should be glad, since today was only Thursday and he hadn't had any vacation time in months. He had been putting in some long hours, partly because of his caseload and partly because of the disappearance of his father, and even he knew that if he didn't slow down it would cause burnout and the last thing Steve needed was that to deal with. His crystal eyes darkened to a somber troubled blue to match his thoughts. There had been no living with him lately; he knew that. The minute his father disappeared he had become something of a jerk, irritable and desperate to find him, it was unlike Steve, but at the same time he supposed a lot of it had to do with the fact that the person most important in his life wasn't there right now and was probably never coming back no matter how long he searched for him

            He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts and began to run a little faster, hoping to burn some of his energy to the point he would collapse and fall asleep in his bed. His father had always said that Steve didn't know how to relax, he only knew how to run himself ragged and then sleep. Steve knew his father was right, no matter how often he tried to deny it, and now that his father was gone that thought seemed to grate even more on his nerves, the thought that he may never see his dad again really hurt, but what hurt twice as much was that there was nothing he could do about it. As far as anyone knew nothing in the line of foul play had occurred, Mark had just disappeared, Steve had tried to begin an investigation, but there was no evidence leading to anything, they didn't know where to start. 

            Steve wasn't paying attention so when he felt something hit him hard and cause him to nearly lose his balance he was surprised out of his thoughts. Looking down at the person lying on his back he hurried over to her. 

            The woman's eyes were wide open but fixed in a glassy stare, her mouth emitting small wheezing noises. 

            "Oh, my God, are you all right? I am so sorry! I didn't see you! Are you hurt? Can you talk?" Steve's words tumbled over one another in his distress over injuring this woman. He cast about in his mind, frantically trying to remember things his father had taught him about first aid. From what he could remember, as long as the accident victim was alive and breathing, he should just leave her alone. 

            He gently stroked the soft sandy blond hair and talked to her quietly as she continued to take deep breaths. 

            She closed her eyes while her mouth gasped uselessly, unable to draw in any air. For several long, agonizing seconds, there was no sound at all except Steve's heart thundering in his chest blood pumping loudly through his ears. 

            "Oh, please, are you all right? Can you move? Can you talk? Oh, God, I am so sorry!" She suddenly gave a short gasp, and then another, and finally her eyes opened again. The glassy look was gone, and awareness was beginning to flicker again as she kept drawing in small gulps of air. Steve suddenly stared in fascination at the extraordinary color of her eyes. 

            'What the hell color are they? Blue? green? Sea green?' He snapped back to the present when she spoke to him. 

            "Help...me...up...," she panted with difficulty. 

            "No-no, you need to lie still. You-you-you could be badly hurt."             "Wind...knocked...out," she wheezed painfully. "Like falling...off...horse." Her breaths grew fuller and steadier as time passed. Steve continued to kneel by her side, encouraged by the fact she could talk, but he still feared he had caused a major injury.             The woman started to gather herself to her hands and knees on her own before Steve went ahead and helped her to her feet. She swayed dizzily before resting her forehead against his chest. He held her arms tightly to keep her from falling. She steadied herself for a moment before mumbling something that was muffled by his coat. 

            "What did you say?" he asked in concern, "Are you ok? Do you need to lie down?" He felt her shake her head against him and he just held on, comforted that at least she seemed to be moving all right and could talk to him. 

            In a few moments, when her breathing was more regular and less strained, she pushed away from him and shook her head a few times, "I said you're one hell of a runner," she said. He chuckled lightly and looked at her, her body was trim and tanned. She had an athlete's body, and she was beautiful, of everything thought it was her eyes that captivated him the most. 

            "Do you want to sit down? Do you hurt anywhere? Do you need a paramedic?" Steve's questions ran over one another. She pushed away from him, shaking her head to clear away the last of the cobwebs. 

            "No, yes, and no." She let go with one hand and made a move to pull away. Steve kept hold of her arm with his right hand and circled his left arm around her waist. She nodded a thanks as he helped her over to a nearby log, he could tell she was limping, she could tell he felt like an idiot.

            "I'm really sorry," he whispered as he helped her get the left shoe off. He looked at the ankle and winced.

            "I wasn't paying attention," he said again, finally she held up a hand and smiled softly.

            "Don't worry, people run along beaches and get hurt sometimes, I think my ankle is sprained," she said as she rubbed it.

            "I'll call an ambulance."

            "No, I've been injured before, it's nothing more than usual," she said.

            "Look you have two choices here, I'll call for an ambulance or let me take you to the hospital myself, you obviously hurt yourself and I'm not exactly a good pad to run into. It would make me feel better, please," he said. She looked at him, seeing she wouldn't win this fight she nodded solemnly.

            "Fine, would you help me up?" She said. He nodded and slowly helped her to her feet.

            "I can carry you," he said.

            "No, I can walk," she said.

            "Doesn't look like it," he replied. She glared at him somewhat annoyed.

            "All right, just as long as you don't decide to hurt me," she said.

            "I've already done that, and don't worry I wouldn't hurt you," he said getting ready to lift her into his arms.

            "You're right, I'd call the cops on you," she answered.

            "No use in doing that, I am a cop," he said as he carried her back towards his beach house that he usually shared with his father. He got her in the truck with ease and noticed a few more things about her, she was in a lose tank top and shorts, he sighed and hurried into his house, bringing out an extra pair of jeans his sister usually wore, she had left them last time she visited.

            "What's that for?"

            "Well, I thought they might be a little more comfortable for you," he said handing them to her and shifting his truck into gear and headed towards Community General. They rode in silence for several minutes when the woman finally spoke up.

            "My name is Jennifer Katherine O'Connell, I figure we each have a right to know since we're on such wonderful terms." He smirked slightly.

            "Steve Sloan," he said.

            "Steven or Stevie?"

            "Nope just Steve, what do I call you?" He asked.

            "Most people call me Jenny or Jen, my daddy calls me Jenny Kate and everyone at work either calls me O'Connell or JK for kicks, except my friends they call me Jen," she said.

            "You've got friends," he said. She looked at him, she could tell they hadn't made a very good first impressions upon one another.

            "Sorry, that was wrong," he whispered.

            "Don't worry about it, look I'm sorry," she whispered. He shrugged it off.

            "So, where do you work?" He asked her.

            "Community General, I'm an ER nurse there," she said, "is that where we're headed?" she inquired.

            "Yep, I've gotten to know that place all too well in the past forty years," he said. She paused and looked at him.

            "You're not THE Steve Sloan…are you?"

            "What exactly do you mean by that?" He asked.

            "There's this patient then when he comes in he gives all people a hard time, he hates needles drives some nurses up a wall, but everyone seems to love him because of his personality," she said.

            "I hate hospitals. Yes, I'm THE Steve Sloan, and for the record most of those nurses have been saying those same words since I was a day old so they are remembering me when I used to run around the hospital just to get attention. I haven't done that for years." He said softly.

            "Dr. Travis talks about you fondly, like a big brother almost, and Dr. Sloan, he's your dad isn't he?" Steve sighed and nodded.

            "Yeah, but we haven't seen him for a month," Steve whispered.

            "I should have known, you look just like him," she said staring at him.

            "Thanks," Steve whispered. She could tell she had hit a sore spot, sighing she was quiet for the rest of the ride. She went to get out only to have Steve lift her into his arms again.

            "If you're anything like me, you hate wheelchairs, so let's go find Jess and get you in there," he said. She nodded and watched as he carried her through the doors. Jesse and Amanda were standing at the nurses station when Steve carried her in.

            "Steve! Jenny? What are you doing here?" Amanda asked as she grabbed a wheelchair and helped Steve lower her into it.

            "I ran into Steve and he knocked the wind out of me, anyway I think I twisted my ankle, it's no big deal," Amanda looked at Steve and touched his hand.

            "Thanks Steve, we'll take care of her," she said. Steve nodded and watched Amanda wheel her into Exam room 1.

            Steve stalked around the waiting room impatiently, wanting to know how his newly acquired friend was, when suddenly he saw Jack walking out with her, "and last but not least, I don't want to see you anywhere near here until Tuesday." He said smiling at her.

            "Hi Steve," Jack said as he helped Jenny, who was now on crutches, towards him.

            "Hey Jack, so how much damage did I do to your nurse?" Jack smiled softly.

            "She'll be fine with a little rest, she's still stubborn which means she's not hurting to badly. Take care of yourself all right Jen," he said looking at her. 

            "Always Jack," she said smiling.

            "Good girl, how are you Steve?" Jack asked looking at his friend.

            "I'm fine," he whispered.

            "Yeah, I don't believe you but okay," he said.

            "Thanks Jack," Jack nodded and patted Jenny on the back and left.

            "So, you're going to live?" He asked.

            "Looks like it," she said smiling.

            "I feel really bad, and I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you," he said.

            "Look just take me home and we'll call it even okay," she said. He nodded and slowly they got into the truck. However something inside Steve was dying to get to know this woman better, she wasn't like Amanda or his sister, she was different. He looked over to say something and they laughed as they both met eyes to say something.

            "I'm sorry, you go first," he said. She smiled softly.

            "I know how you can repay me," she whispered, "would you be my friend? I don't have many, other than Jesse, Jack, Amanda and maybe one other person, I don't have a lot of people. The nurses don't really like me because I came in and immediately asked by Jesse to help him with his cases…my family lives in Cleveland, Ohio and…sometimes I feel alone, just alone and I would really like a friend," she said blushing. He smiled and reached out to touch her hand.

            "I was just thinking about how much I would love to be your friend," he said.

            "Really?"

            "Yeah, listen I haven't eaten today, and you probably haven't either, so what do you say to a little Bar-B-Q?" He asked. She smiled.

            "Sounds great, but will it be open?"

            "Are you kidding, I own the place, doesn't close unless I say its okay," Steve said smiling.

            "Um, while that sounds lovely, I'd really like a nice hot shower, when was the last time you had a good old fashioned home cooked meal?" she asked him. He smiled slightly.

            "Long time ago, dad and I weren't very great cooks, periodically we would cook something good, but I don't know, not lately," he said.

            "Well then I'd be happy to cook something good," she said. 

            Jesse was standing by a nearby nurses station working on a patient's chart when a young woman, in her early to mid twenties. She had long blond hair and deep brown eyes. He looked at her.

            "May I help you?" He asked.

            "Yes, I'm Allison McDaniels, I'm the new nurse here," she said quietly. He smiled and nodded.

            "Welcome, I'm Jesse Travis," he said calmly. She nodded and he quickly took her off to the doctor's lounge. Jesse and Allison entered the lounge, where Amanda, Jack and a few other doctors were lurking. 

            "Amanda, Jack, this is our new nurse, Allison McDaniels," he said smiling. She nodded at them.

            "Hi Allison, I'm Amanda Bentley and this is Jack Stewart, why don't you let me show you around?" She asked. The younger nurse nodded and smiled as Amanda led her off on a tour of the hospital.

            "She pretty," Jack said behind Jesse, who was staring at the young woman.

            "Hey, back off you've got Amanda," Jesse said. Jack looked at him, and for the first time in a month since Jack had arrived they laughed, hard. Jack stuck his hand out and instantly Jesse took it, each calling a silent but well spoken truce.

            Jennifer smiled as she watched Steve get into his truck, she didn't understand why she felt like she had just been on a date with him. After a nice quiet dinner she had been surprised at how charming, nice, and friendly he had been with her, not like what some of the nurses said. They had discussed memories for hours, talking about his father, and her family, she had learned more about him in the past three hours than many of his friends had learned in three years. She had to admit he was very handsome, and there was something about him she liked. 

            "Thanks for the ride," she whispered looking at him, his deep blue eyes almost seemed to be begging for her not to leave. Begging her not to go and leave him all alone again. 

            "No problem, I have the day off tomorrow, so I'm going to be gone," he said calmly, but she could tell he seemed to be begging for her to almost come with him.

            "Where are you going?" He answered almost immediately.

            "Looking," he said. Jennifer had to stop and silently will herself to calm down.

            "For your father?" She inquired.

            "Yes," he answered.

            "Would you like company?" He looked at her, 'down boy' he whispered through his mind. There was no possible way she thought of him like that, then again he wouldn't have bet he'd have fallen in love with a woman the day he met her. Was he falling in love?

            "I'd love some, if you don't mind going," he whispered.

            "I wouldn't mind," she responded.

            "I'll pick you up at eight?" She nodded and gently closed the door. He watched her walk towards her door, smiling at the way her body seemed so perfect.

            Steve walked into his apartment and for the first time since the disappearance of his father he didn't feel sad, or down. He felt elated, excited and happy. He didn't feel alone, he felt full, like something had been touched by Jennifer.

            "I must be going insane," he whispered as he changed quickly and headed upstairs. He sighed and looked at the Christmas tree sitting in the living room, it was decorated and looking beautiful. Jack and Mandie had offered to help him with the chore, at the time he had found it pointless, not feeling much like celebrating anything, let alone Christmas. 

            Mandie had started calling him Uncle Steve, and was just starting to like Jesse, Amanda was mommy, which Steve found incredibly ironic.

            "Uncle Steve," the two year old called as she toddled over to him. He lifted her up and smiled as sixteen year old Alexandra Parker walked into the living room as well. Jack had hired the girl almost instantly as a babysitter.

            "Hey there beautiful, Hi Alex," Steve said. He liked the teenager that brought home the toddler from daycare everyday.

            "Hi Steve, I'll head home now that you're home, tell Jack that I'm on vacation all next week and free most of the time if he needs me," she said. Steve nodded and pulled up some money from his pocket.

            "Thanks Alex," he said. The girl nodded and left. Steve sighed and looked at the tree again as he held the two year old toddler in his arms.

            "Chrismas," the baby said. Steve smiled and kissed her head.

            "Yep, a start of a new year, and many other things," Steve admitted.

            "Uncle Steve sad," the girl whispered touching his cheek with a small finger. Steve smiled at the young innocence.

            "Yeah, I guess he is sweetheart," he said calmly as he walked over and sat her down on the couch.

            "Daddy get sad too?" She asked. Steve chuckled and kissed the girl's head.

            "No, Daddy is fine baby."

            "Daddy is home," Jack's voice called as if right on cue. Steve smiled as the small toddler managed to get herself off the couch and hurl her small body into his strong arms.

            "Hey, how's my baby girl," he said. Steve smiled and pulled out a beer for Jack as well as himself.

            "Hey Jack," Steve said lightly. Jack smiled, accepting the beer.

            "Hi Steve," he said.

            "What's happening at the hospital?" 

            "A new nurse came today right after you left with Jen, I think Jess has the hot's for her," Jack said chuckling.

            "Wouldn't surprise me," Steve said, Jack smiled.

            "You hungry?" Steve asked, Jack nodded.

            Jennifer sighed early the next morning as she looked at herself in the mirror, she wanted to be perfect for Steve, she didn't know why, but something inside of her said be there for him. She would be there for him any time he needed her. She could tell he was hurting, and she just wanted to help him, she prayed he knew that. A knock on the door jerked her from her thoughts, looking up she realized Steve must be here, quickly she walked towards the door and pulled it open. Steve was dressed in a tight pair of blue jeans, and a nice dark blue polo shirt, which brought out his eyes twice as much as any other color. 

            Steve looked at Jennifer and smiled, she was dressed in a comfortable pair of boot legged jeans, comfortable looking shoes, and a flannel green shirt, bringing out her eyes as well.

            "Hi," he finally managed, she smiled and blushed lightly.

            "Hi, um, I guess I'm ready," she whispered.

            "Great, uh let's go," she locked her door behind her and they got into his truck. Steve sighed as they drove slowly down the road, she looked at him, he seemed tense, almost worried, and she wondered if and when he would give up and maybe accept his father was gone.

            "Steve," she began.

            "I can't," he whispered.

            "Can't what?"

            "I can't believe he's dead Jen," he looked at her, seeing his eyes so blue made her want to cry for him. He seemed to be in so much pain, and she just wanted to stop it for him.

            "Steve, I'm not asking you to believe he's dead, but more just accept he's gone. I'm not saying you won't ever see him again, because you probably will, something inside of me is sure you will, but something else inside of me is saying it won't be for awhile. You can't spend the next twenty or thirty years of your life searching for your father. I'm not trying to be critical, or even mean, I'm trying to help you. Believe me Steve, I want to help you, I want the chance to be here for you. I just met you, but I can't explain my feelings. You're different, I feel that if I'm here for you now, we can both be there for each other later. I will help you search for him, but not for the rest of your life," she said calmly. He looked at her. He slowly pulled the car over and looked into her green eyes.

            "If I quit looking than I'm giving up on him," Steve said.

            "No, you're doing what he would want, you're moving on. I'm not asking you to give up now, I'm asking you to not spend your entire life for the next twenty years looking," she said. He looked at her and touched her cheek.

            "Will you really help me?" He asked. She touched the hand on her cheek.

            "I know this sounds weird, but I would go to the ends of the earth if you asked me to. I want to be here Steve," she said. He leaned across her seat, and gently his lips met her's. It was a slow kiss, which quickly built up passion. 

            Suddenly she pulled away and looked into his eyes, shaking her head she faced the window.

            "I'm sorry," she whispered. He looked at her and touched her shoulder.

            "You've lost someone haven't you?" He asked.

            "I had a boyfriend, a fireman, he was killed. I can't lose someone else, I just can't," she whispered. Steve looked at this woman, she wasn't weak in any way or form, she seemed to be so strong, such a survivor. 

            "If you promise to let go of your boyfriend, I will slowly let go of my father, not forever but I will accept he's probably gone," he whispered. She nodded.

            "Thank you," he whispered looking at her.

            "Anything," she said softly.

            Steve sat at his desk at the precinct, when Jenny came up to him, a smiled wide on her young face she held out two beautifully wrapped boxes. She was wearing a red sweatshirt with little trees and ornaments knitted into it. He looked at her as she handed it to him.

            "What's this?" He asked.

            "You're Christmas present, I'm on my way to Ohio to see my mom and daddy, but I just wanted to give you your Christmas present now. You can't open it till Christmas morning though. Steve smiled slightly as he looked at the two brightly wrapped gifts. He reached down and opened the bottom left hand drawer in his desk and pulled out his own two small wrapped gifts.

            "I couldn't resist, same goes for you, no opening until Christmas," he said smiling at her. She looked at him and smiled.

            "Bye Steve, have a great Christmas," she said. Steve chuckled lightly.

            "I'm going to be alone, but I'll do my best," he said.

            "Merry Christmas Sloan," she said walking towards the door.

            "Merry Christmas, Jen," she nodded and waved. He looked down at the gifts she had handed him and shook his head with a smile.

            Jack sat with Amanda, CJ, Mandie, and Dion in Amanda's living room on Christmas morning, Mandie sitting between Dion and CJ as they helped her open presents. Jack sat next to Amanda on the couch, a camera in hand and a smile planted upon their faces. Amanda smiled gently as Dion showed Mandie how to use the squirt gun she had received from Steve. She slipped her hand into Jack's and smiled as he gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders, it was as though two lovers were slowly falling back in love.

            Steve was sitting in his living room looking at the two gifts, he could open them, but he didn't know if he wanted to, it would mean he was missing the one person he wanted here second most, Jennifer. Suddenly a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts of Jenny and his father. Getting up he opened the door to see a very wet, but happy Jennifer standing in the door way with a basket of wine and food.

            "Aren't you supposed to be on a plane to Ohio?" He asked as she walked in and handed him the basket and taking her coat off.

            "Well, yes, but I've seen my family every year since I was a kid, and it's time for me to be myself, besides this is the season of miracles and I can't leave you all alone, now why don't we go open up those presents?" She said. He smiled and nodded.

            Jesse rushed the man into the ER, two nurses and EMTs by their sides, he yelled out commands quickly. He worked hard on the man, never wondering or stopping to think that today was Christmas, when suddenly a hand fell on top of his. Looking up he met Allison's bright, glittering eyes.

            "Merry Christmas Jesse," she said. He smiled slightly and looked down at the man who was barely alive.

            "Merry Christmas Allie," he responded, and everything faded as the whirring, beeping, bleeping and chirping of various machines dulled. Outside the light rain turned into a light snow. Each person happy to a certain extent.

Allie351-Thanks for the review, I'm glad you like it, as well as the last one, I love to write and don't worry the ending is a long way off, you'll be so tide up in each chapter you won't remember Mark's being gone, well okay you'll remember but you won't have much time to think about it.

Sandra-Thanks for the review, I'm glad you're enjoying it, please stay tuned for more

Dante-Thank you for all the wonderful comments, I enjoy writing and believe it or not I like Jesse more as well, but I wanted all of them to be here, and I think you'll like Jack more when this is all over, at least I do. 

A/N: If you'd like to read more of my stories feel free to visit my website www.geocities.com/ActingOutLife05 and please if you get the chance sign the guest book so I can email you and thank you!  


	3. Breaking Down and Rebuilding

**Chapter Three**

**Breaking Down and Rebuilding**

**February 18th, 1993**

            Jennifer sighed as she sat next to Amanda and Jesse talking about some things, she had lately been going to all lengths to not only keep her friend out of trouble but help him as well, and she wondered to what length was it no longer helping but covering up. She was worried, Steve had tried so hard to control his feelings about his father's disappearance. But it had now been three months, and Steve's hopes were getting higher and everyone else's was lower. She didn't know how to tell him to just stop. He was hurting, he didn't want to admit the man he had admired and loved most in the world was probably gone forever now. He wasn't ready to accept that and Jenny knew that was damn well a big problem. 

            He had been working himself to death lately, long hours and when he wasn't working he was trying to find some trace of Mark Sloan. Three deaths in the past week he had been asked to come identify the body, and while none of them were Mark Sloan, each one had brought Steve further and closer to the line he was nearing.

            Jen had voiced her concerns to all three of Steve's friends, Jesse had been the first one to try and prevent anything worse from happening. He had visited, talked and tried desperately to help his best friend, but was finding it futile and pointless. Steve always made excuses to not be around them, and even more to continue looking for Mark.

            Amanda had long since let go on ever finding Mark, she knew the chances, and wasn't afraid to admit it, Jack was here and helping her deal as well as her kids. Jack had dealt with the pain in his own way, and was also moving past it, hoping to find a lover and wife in Amanda. Jesse was slowly coming to terms with the truth, and while he didn't like the idea he knew he would eventually have to accept that his friend and closest thing to a real father was probably gone forever and there was nothing he could do. Easier said than done. Allison had really been helping him lately, they had gotten close, and soon she and Jenny had both joined a part of the small group that had once been Jesse, Amanda, Mark and Steve was now Jesse, Jack, Jenny, Allison, Amanda and Steve. The girls were best friends with each other and would spend free days together over a cup of coffee at one's house or endless nights talking about other random things. Amanda and Jenny both knew how Allison felt about Jesse and that she was probably falling in love with him. It was the same with Jennifer and Amanda. Each one falling in love with their closest friends, Amanda could tell Steve and Jesse both had feelings for the girls, and was silently hoping someday they would all be truly happy.

            "I just wish I knew he was all right," she whispered. Jesse touched the older woman's arm and smiled.

            "Don't worry Jen, I'm sure Steve will pull through, he's strong," Jesse said. Jennifer sighed again.

            "Yes, but everyone has their limit, and I have the feeling Steve has reached it and if he goes much further he will fall over the edge. I can't lose him Jesse, I can't." She whimpered gently.

            "We'll keep an eye on him, as well as Jack and you." Suddenly the doctor's lounge phone rang. Jenny answered it.

            "Hello," she paused, her face turning pale.

            "Yes sir, I'll find him, thank you Captain," she clicked it off and looked at Jesse and Amanda.

            "I think he's hit the edge," she said.

            Mark smiled softly as he entered the hardware shop, Maggie right behind him. There was a middle aged man, in his forties standing by the counter.

            "Mark this is my son Zack, Zack this is Mark Anderson, he's a good man and he needs a job, he recently lost his memory, but we think it's only temporary. Zack looked at his mother, while she meant well sometimes the younger man had to wonder if she always knew what she was doing could be very well dangerous.

            "I could always use some help around here, welcome," he said shaking Mark's hand, being graced with a large smile. Zack didn't care at times if his mother didn't know what she was really doing, truth was she was a good woman and had taught him everything he knew, there was no way he would disappoint her.

            "Thanks," Zack smiled at his mother.

            "How about some lunch, my treat to both of you," Zack said.

             Jennifer brought her mustang to a halt just in front of the beach house, Jesse and Amanda were right behind her. She ran to the door, not knocking she pulled out a key to the house and burst through the door. The house was silent, Jack was gone for the weekend returning home to finishing up some paper work for the house and such, leaving Steve alone.

            "STEVE!" Jennifer said, desperation in both her voice and body movement. All she could think was _'God don't let him be dead'_. She looked over at Jesse and Amanda.

            "I'm going downstairs, Jesse you stay up here, Amanda please come with me," she nodded. Together the two women headed down into Steve's apartment, in hopes they would find the middle aged cop alive and sleeping. Jesse continued to look upstairs. 

            The apartment was dark, the only light coming from a few windows, looking around Jennifer realized the bedroom was the darkest, so she quickly looked around for the light switch, finding it she reached for it, but Amanda touched her hand.

            "Don't, if he's down here and you turn that on, you might startle him, and if he's in any trouble I have the feeling he's already been startled enough," Jennifer nodded. They both allowed their eyes to adjust to the light, suddenly Jennifer saw him, in a corner of his bedroom he sat, his knees drawn to his chest, his long strong arms hugging them and his head on his knees. She swiftly moved towards him.

            "Steve, it's Jenny," she whispered. Reaching out she touched his shoulder, she received no response except a tiny whimper issued from his lips. Looking up slowly his eyes slowly met hers, and she saw the empty sorrow in them, the pain and fear. He almost instantly reached out for her, and like any friend and lover she held him tightly as he sobbed into her stomach.

            "It's okay Steve, I've got you now," she whispered. She could feel her own tears welling in her eyes.

            "Amanda, I found him, call an ambulance, he's in shock," she said as she continued to hold him. He was cold, and other than the crying and reaching out for her he was completely unresponsive to anything. His skin was clammy and pale, he looked like he hadn't slept in days. 

            Jenny heard Amanda run upstairs and tell Jesse something, then hurry back down.

            "They're on their way," Amanda said as she knelt next to Jenny.

            "Get me a blanket, and my cell phone from my belt loop if you could," she said. Amanda nodded. She came back with the blanket and then handed both the cell phone and blanket to Jen. Covering Steve with it was the easy part, getting him to stop crying was different, eventually both women decided it was best for him to get it all out of his system, meanwhile Jen called the captain.

            "Captain, this is Jenny O'Connell," she said. By now Captain Newman knew the young girl well and respected her for what she was trying to do.

            "What's wrong Jennifer," he said is a tight arsed way.

            "Sir, it's Steve, he's had an emotional break down, he's being admitted to the hospital," she said calmly.

            "I was afraid of that, he looked at another body yesterday, it looked a lot like his father and the man's name was Mark."

            "Was it Mark?" Jenny asked the captain.

            "No, look Jennifer, I'm going to keep this quiet, get Sloan admitted to the hospital I'll work something out, I know a good psych and a place for him, they can help him there," the captain said. 

            "Sir…"

            "He's your friend, as well, and he needs his friends," Jen sighed. She respected Steve's captain, much like her own father.

            "Yes Captain, thank you," she whispered and looked down at Steve who was still sobbing in her arms.

            "Don't worry Jennifer, he's going to be fine, and with your help I think you'll both be fine," he said, then she heard a faint click signaling the man had hung up. She placed the cell phone on the floor and began to push away small wisps of hair from Steve's forehead.

            "I love you Steven Michael," she whispered as she and Amanda continued to sit with him.

            The ambulance finally arrived, and while Steve was still crying a little, he had settled down, but was still completely unresponsive. Jennifer handed her keys to Amanda and looked at Steve being loaded into the back of the ambulance.

            "I need to be with him right now Amanda, please meet us there," she said quietly.

            "Of course, take care of him," Jenny nodded and climbed into the ambulance beside the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

            The ride to the hospital was the worst thing Jenny had ever lived, she hated watched Steve in so much emotional turmoil. The EMT's had managed to subdue him some what and now he was just staring off into the distance, leaving Jennifer to wonder if he had completely lost it. She couldn't lose him, she had told Jesse that as well, and if it meant she would spend every waking hour with him then so be it, but she wouldn't let him think everyone had abandoned him. Once they had arrived at the hospital, Jesse had taken over, checking him completely over and trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Jennifer was sitting beside Amanda in the waiting room when her cell phone rang again.

            "Hello, oh hello Captain Newman," she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen.

            "Okay what's the name of the place again? Oakland Heights, sounds like an apartment complex…okay Captain, yes sir, Doctor Hamilton, thanks Captain," Jenny hung up and looked at the note.

            "Oakland Heights is a very good facility, I've been there and looked around, they will take good care of Steve," Amanda whispered.

            "I hope so," she said quietly.

            Jesse found himself surrounded by questions and friends two hours later, Jack had returned and now they were all in the doctor's lounge. Steve had been admitted and Jesse was to contact Dr. Hamilton at Oakland Heights soon so they could discuss Steve's condition.

            "Steve is unable to do anything. It's as though he has lost his will to live. As Jen said, he was found early this morning, his only response was to her, and he doesn't respond to her much either. He hasn't spoke, and he won't move unless you move him. He's had a complete breakdown, which is bad, because since it was complete it's going to take a lot more to get him back," Jesse explained.

            "Are you saying this had been coming for awhile?" Jack asked.

            "I think he had an emotional breakdown after those three murders he was called to, then he got home, jogged on the beach or something and wore himself out so much, after already being so worn out that he just collapsed and gave up, finding no real good reason to go on surviving," Jesse explained.

            "So now what?" Allison asked quietly, as she sat beside him. Jesse sighed softly.

            "We keep him here for a week, and monitor him, I'm not keeping him immobile, but I want someone I there with him at all times, he's sedated currently but when we're finished I want one or two people with him at a time. Talk to him, whatever you think we'll help him. We feed him, help him get clean and just be there. Then on Saturday I'm going to try and get him transferred as quietly as possible to Oakland Heights, where Dr. Tara Hamilton will begin helping him. I have a friend Kevin Sholis who runs the clinic, so I am also familiar with it. I will be calling him soon, my guess is Steve will then spend five weeks or so in rehab there. We will be allowed to come and go when we need to. One thing we need to make sure of is that Steve doesn't get depressed, I mean he's had a breakdown, but there is a difference. If he becomes depressed he might attempt suicide, we can't take that chance and I won't," Jesse explained.

            "All right, well I'll take the first shift," Jenny said. Jesse smiled at her.

            "I knew you would, there's a chair as well as a blanket in his room, I told the nursing staff that any one of us is allowed in there," he explained. They all nodded.

            "Will he eat?" Jenny asked.

            "Yes, but someone will have to feed him."

            "All right," Jenny got up slowly and headed to his room, she turned and looked at them, their eyes meeting her amazingly green ones.

            "I love him," she whispered and then left the doctor's lounge. They all looked down, Jesse smiled gently.

            "That's what it takes," he whispered and then got up and left as well.

            The next week went by slowly, Jenny was there most of the time, feeding him, shaving him and just talking to him about all sorts of things. The others were in and out periodically when given their chance. Jack was feeling bad that he hadn't really seen what was happening to his best friend, but then again he was quickly realizing his best friend wasn't the same man he had known nearly eight years ago. Jesse and Allison were both frequent visitors, Jesse and Jack helping give Steve showers. Cheryl would pop in sometimes, along with Captain Newman.       By Saturday night Jesse had met with Tara Hamilton and Kevin and they had both agreed to admit Steve, and Saturday night there was an ambulance that was soon transferring Steve to the small clinic. Jenny followed them over there and helped Kevin and Tara get Steve situated.

            "Don't worry he'll be fine here," Tara told Jenny. Tara was a woman in her mid-thirties, she had long flowing brown hair and beautiful hazel eyes. She was about 5'7 and seemed very smart and nice.

            "Thank you Dr. Hamilton," Jenny said.

            "Call me Tara," the woman said. Jenny nodded and looked back at Steve, while he didn't respond yet, it was obvious he wanted to live as he hadn't given up just yet.

            Oakland Heights was a small hospital for the LAPD to come and get help as well as Doctors and even lawyers. They kept everything confidential from others unless the patient wanted someone to know. It was placed by a beautiful lake with glorious trees and beautiful areas the patients could walk, it even had a labyrinth. Jesse and Jenny had both checked it out during the week, while Jesse already knew he place he knew it would do Jenny good to check it out as well. Together they had both walked around the place and spoke, and decided Steve would be taken care of here. Kevin had told Jenny she would be more than welcome to visit whenever, because it was often the friends and family that did more help than doctors and nurses. Jesse had told all of them that Steve was going to be treated as a person, as Steven Sloan and not some patient that was stupid. None of them had argued with the idea.

            "Steve, I'm going to go now, I've gotta go to work, I'll be back later with some dinner, I think Jack is coming too, so we'll see you later okay?" She said. He didn't say anything but she smiled when he looked at her gently. His blue eyes held sadness beyond words, sadness unlike she had ever seen before and ever wanted to see again.

            "I love you," she said leaning forward she touched her lips to his forehead. She looked back at Tara and smiled.

            "Thank you Tara," with that Jenny cast one last glance at Steve and then left.

            The next few weeks passed quickly. Jenny and Jesse had been the two most frequent visitors. Jesse had openly cried in Jenny's arms the night after Steve was left at Oakland Heights, explaining to her that he felt he had just abandoned his best friend. Jenny knew Jesse loved Steve like a brother, and to Jesse they were the only one they had left. It hurt him to see Steve like this. Jack had returned and had bought a beautiful house about three houses down from Steve's beach house, meanwhile Jesse had rented out his own apartment to Alex Smith and moved in to Steve's house, along with Jenny who lived downstairs trying to keep the place up. Allison was a frequent visitor as she and Jesse got closer. Amanda was doing well and starting to fall deeply in love with Jack. Jesse had said he would remain with Steve as long as needed until he was all better. Jenny hadn't been surprised when she had first met Jesse Travis she knew the man would be and was a loyal friend to Steve, and now she had no doubt in her mind how loyal he was. Tara had slowly begun to get through to Steve, which was exciting to everyone, and he now responded to Tara, Jenny and Jesse, sometimes Amanda and Jack and every once in awhile Allison as well.

            Morning dawned another beautiful morning at Oakland Heights as Tara Hamilton slowly walked out towards the lake, looking up she smiled to see Steve standing in the door way smiling at her, a cup of coffee in his hands, she could tell he was doing so much better, there had been a time when she was sure they would never get to the point, but five weeks since Steve had arrived here and he was doing great.

            "Good morning Steve," she said smiling, she had become fond of the tall detective, and his girlfriend. Steve knew all about Jenny's dedication lately and Jesse's and was thankful to have both of them to back him up.

            "Morning Tara, just wondering if you and I could talk," he said. She smiled, it had excited her when Steve had really started talking the week before and would ask at times to talk to her instead of her making appointments, it meant Steve had gotten to where he was able to talk about his feelings openly.

            "Of course, would you like to join me in a walk around the lake?" She asked. He nodded and put his cup down. He was dressed in sweats and a comfortable hooded sweatshirt.

            They were silent until they reached the edge of the lake and began to slowly walk around its perimeter.

            "What's on your mind Steve?" Tara asked. Steve smiled, he was grateful for this woman, she had really helped him, and brought him far.

            "My father, and Jennifer… I guess all my friends," he said.

            "Why don't you explain," she said softly. He nodded.

            "When my father left I was sure I'd find him, I wanted to… I still want to, but now it's like I'm ready to move on, and I don't really know how. I'm afraid too," he said looking at her.

            "Does that make sense?" He asked, she smiled and nodded.

            "Perfect sense, Steve, and tell me if I'm wrong, but I think you're afraid that if you do move on and your father does return he'll be hurt because you did move on, am I right?" She asked. He nodded.

            "Exactly."

            "Steve, from what you've told me your father wanted nothing more than to see you happily married with beautiful children and a wonderful wife. Do you think he would really be angry if you did just that?" She asked.

            "I don't think so, no but at the same time, I feel guilty," he explained.

            "Why?"

            "Because I feel that if I do move on, and get married have children, I will forget my father," he said.

            "Steve, tell me about your mother," Steve smiled gently.

            "She was so beautiful… she sang like a lark, she took good care of us a lot, she would sing to me or my sister every time we had a nightmare, and would take care of us when we were sick. She was always there, even when she was dying, some of her last things she thought of was the care of her children and my father. She was anything but selfish. What does that have to do with Dad?" He asked.

            "Everything, were you happy three years ago?" Steve paused and nodded.

            "Were you happy at twenty three?" Steve nodded again.

            "What did you do after the death of your mother?" Steve shrugged.

            "I did my best to hold dad together, help him move…" Steve stopped and smiled.

            "I get it," he said.

            "I thought you would. Steve you moved on after the death of your mother, because you knew that you had to, you knew you couldn't lose your father or sister to something like depression. You knew even though you all missed her life would go on and you would too. You're father might be dead, he might return ten years from now just fine and regale of stories. But in the end, he's not here and life has to go on, you have to go on. You won't forget your father, no one forgets someone they love that much, they just heal. You never get over the death of someone, just past it. That's all any of us can do, deal with the pain and loss of a loved one and get past it. Survive from one day to the next," she explained. Steve smiled and looked at her, leaning down slightly he pecked her on the cheek.

            "Thank you," he said quietly. She touched his arm.

            "Steve, I'm proud of you. You've come a long way in just five weeks and I couldn't ask for a better patient. You said you were thinking about your friends?" She asked.

            "Yeah, but I'd rather not talk about that just yet," he whispered.

            "Steve, they'll get past it too, Jesse is here now for you, and you need to be there for him too," Steve looked at her and smiled.

            "You're a good doctor," he said.

            "I try," she said smiling.

            "Thanks Tara," she nodded and watched him as he quickly jogged back to the main house. She shook her head and thanked god for her gift.

            Steve stood in his room slowly placing all of his clothes in his suitcase and looking around the nice room, he had spent six weeks in this place and was finding it a little disconcerting he was leaving. He knew he would be okay now, but at the same time he knew part of him would remain within these walls forever. He jumped when he heard a gentle knock on the open door. Turning he smiled at Jennifer, her hair pulled back in a loose pony tail, wearing a nice shirt and a comfortable pair of jeans. She smiled at him and walked towards him, not surprised when he enveloped her into a tight hug holding her for a moment. He pulled away and smiled.

            "Where's Jess?" He asked.

            "Signing you out, ready to go?" She asked. He nodded and closed the suitcase, and then he turned and looked at Jennifer. He touched her neck and cheek.

            "Thank you," he said quietly. She looked into those deep blue eyes, clearer now, with a little more of that old shine in them. She touched his cheek.

            "I would do anything for you," she said. 

            "I know you would," he said. Leaning down he touched his lips to hers and smiled. She deepened the kiss and then pulled away.

            "Save that for later, because Jesse is spending the night at Allison's, I'm going to be with you tonight," she said smiling. 

            "Oh, I have the feeling I'm going to need some nursing tonight," he said. She kissed his lips again.

            "You'll be getting nursing believe me, but of a different kind, believe me," she said. He smiled and hugged her again. He grabbed his suitcase off the bed, and with one arm still wrapped around her waist they slowly walked out of the room and towards the main check in area. Tara and Kevin were both there to say goodbye. Steve smiled and placed his suitcase down on the floor and hugged Tara gently.

            "Thank you," he whispered. She smiled and pulled away, her hands on his arms.

            "Take care of yourself you big lug, I don't want to see you two again unless it's for a wedding, am I understood?" Steve chuckled and nodded. He shook Kevin's outstretched hand.

            "Thank you Kevin, for taking good care of me," he said. Kevin smiled.

            "Wasn't me, it was your friends and this beautiful doctor beside me. Take care of yourself Steve, and Jenny," he said. Steve nodded and wrapped an arm around his girlfriend again. Jesse lifted Steve's suitcase and looked at the two.

            "Ready?" Steve nodded. 

            Mark Anderson smiled as he walked through the hospital, Maggie had gotten him a job as a volunteer at the local hospital, and everyone loved him, she was amazed by his vast knowledge of medicine as well. She had begun to ask him questions periodically and he would be able answer them as though he knew exactly what he was talking about. Everyone expect Maggie and Mark had begun to notice how much time the two spent together talking, and just being around one another. It was hard to miss. Even Zack had to admit that his mother was happier with Mark around than she had been with her former husband. Mark was nice, sweet and pleasant. Zack found him a neat person to work with and found him amazingly smart. He always knew what he was talking about, and if he didn't he wasn't afraid to admit he didn't know.

            Zack was hoping in the back of his mind Mark would be sticking around for awhile, he liked the man and wouldn't mind if his mother maybe married him.

            "Zack," Mark's voice snapped him out of his trance.

            "Sorry Mark, what did you say?" He asked.            

            "I said I'm done for the day at the hospital and wanted to take you and Maggie out to dinner," Mark said.

            "I'd love to Mark, but I'm busy tonight, why don't you take mum," Zack said. He had been backing out of most dinner dates lately, when he found how easy it was for his mother to talk to Maggie. Maggie was there to help him through his frustrations of not being able to remember anything, while he helped her deal with the trails of being a nurse.

            Maggie smiled as she sat across from Mark he spoke of his daily things, the hardware store and the hospital. She could tell he really loved the hospital.

            "Mark, you amaze me," she said.

            "Why?" He asked smiling.

            "Because you know so much about medicine," she said.

            "Maybe I was a doctor," he said. She smiled softly.

            "Wouldn't surprise me, you would have a wonderful bedside manner."

            "Well thank you Nurse," he said smiling.

            "The kids seem to especially love you," she said.

            "I have the feeling I've always loved children," Mark said smiling.

            "I don't doubt that either, even my son loves you," she said. Mark smiled and chuckled slightly. He had gotten close to Zack lately and was finding him to be quite a pleasant young man to work with, very friendly, and had his mother's manners.

            "He's a good kid," Mark said. Maggie nodded and smiled.

            "I'm very proud of my baby. He's a good kid," she said.

            "You're a lucky woman Mags," he said.

            "I know," Maggie said smiling again.

            Steve stiffened as he looked at the house, He was sitting beside Jenny in the mustang while Jesse was behind them in his car. Jenny looked at him, her car stopped in the driveway.

            "You okay?" She asked. He looked over at her and nodded.

            "Just trying to remember that Dad isn't here anymore. I'm glad you are though," he whispered. She smiled and leaned over kissing his cheek.

            "I'm glad I'm here to sweetheart, you ready to go in?" He nodded. Jesse was out of his car already and getting the stuff out of her trunk. Together the three friends walked into the house. Steve didn't seem to have a problem he smiled as he took a deep breath.

            "Steve?" Jesse asked.

            "It's good to be home Jess," he whispered. Jesse smiled at Jen.

            "Well I promise Allie a dinner so, I will see you guys tomorrow," he said smiling. Steve nodded and watched the young doctor leave.

            "I guess it's just you and me," he nodded.

            "I guess so," she said.

            "So how does a romantic dinner sound?" She smiled and nodded.

            "Romantic," he smiled. He pulled her close and kissed her lips softly.

            "Thank you so much for being here for me, it means the world to me," he whispered.

            "It means a lot to me too Steve," she whispered.


	4. Goodbye Farewell Amen

**Chapter Four**

**Goodbye, Hello Again**

**March 30th, 1993**

            Steve sighed as he looked at the mess, his best friends, Jesse and Jenny standing by his side, looking down at the car, it had taken five months but they had found a small trace of Mark, and it all lead up to him being dead. Jesse had come along to support Steve, and for Jen it was a case. Shaking his head he looked around the car and sighed. The piece of metal was just that metal, it was fried, they had no idea if Mark had been in it or not, but if he had there was a good chance he was gone. Steve jotted down some notes and looked at Jesse.

            "Well, let's head home, thanks for calling me guys," Steve said. Officer McCloskey nodded.

            "Anytime Lieutenant," he said. Steve sighed and got in his truck, pulling the door shut he rubbed his eyes, Jesse got in and looked at him, Jenny did the same.

            "You all right Steve?" She asked.

            "I'm fine baby, just, well I'm about ready to let this all go, and I was just thinking since we just found out my father is really gone, I'd really like to have a funeral," he said softly.

            "I think that's a beautiful idea Steve," Jenny said, while she was afraid it might hurt Steve more than help, she couldn't tell him no. It wasn't her choice, Jesse looked at his friend.

            "I'll help all I can Steve," Jesse said.

            "I'd appreciate that Jess," Jesse nodded as Steve threw the truck into gear and slowly pulled away

            Jenny had been staying with Steve for nearly two weeks now, he had recently been released from Oakland Heights, and Jenny didn't want him to be hurt or worse have to go back, so when Steve had brought up the subject of a funeral the first thing she had done was call Tara.

            "I think it's a great idea, Jenny, it'll give him the chance needs to accept his father is gone," Tara had told her.

            "All right," she said softly. Steve had spent most of the next day calling people and telling them what had happened, he had begun to come to terms, she was amazed by his strength, but then again he had been amazed by her strength with watching him have a break down and still being there for him all the way. 

            "Jenny, I'm home," Steve called. Jenny came out of the den and smiled softly at him.

            "Hi baby, how did it go?" Steve had had an appointment with Mark's lawyer.

            "Good, I also talked to a funeral director, the funeral will be Thursday, it's going to be quick, dad's closest friends and family only," he said. She nodded and looked at Steve.

            "Baby are you really okay with this?" Steve sighed and placed his hands on her hips.

            "I'm a little sad, but this might give me the chance to really say goodbye, I have to move on, otherwise I can't be happy," he said. She sighed and looked at him.

            "I adore you," she whispered. He smiled and pulled her close.

            "I know, I love you too beautiful," he whispered.

            Looking back Jenny knew she wouldn't remember much from the funeral. Carol, Steve's sister had shown up, Carol in black. Steve had held his sister close to him as she tried to keep from breaking down. Jesse had shown up with Allie by his side, both looking dressed nicely, and doing well, Jen could tell they were getting through this together, Allie helping Jesse because she wasn't attached and didn't know Mark. Amanda and Jack showed up with the kids, CJ and Dion had tears in their eyes, but seemed to be doing all right, Jack was holding CJ in one arm as Amanda carried Mandie. They had set up a picture of Mark and an empty casket which was closed. At one point Jenny spotted her boyfriend looking at the picture and smiling gently

            "You put me into this world, you wanted what was best for me. I'm sorry Dad, and I will miss you," he whispered. Straightening he headed towards his sister and held onto her tightly as she sobbed. Jenny did notice Steve crying once, but otherwise he was doing well.

            The service began a few minutes later, Steve, Amanda, Carol and Dora sitting up front. There were many people there, from the precinct, from the hospital, and other various old friends of Mark's. Which was surprising to Jenny because she had been told it would be small, then again from the sound of it, small for Mark Sloan was half of LA.

            "Thank you all for coming," Father Ferguson began. 

            "Your presence here this evening is a tribute to Mark Sloan and the legacy of caring he left behind him. We know that this is a difficult time for his children Carol and Steven. But we are also comforted by the knowledge that Mark is the father now, who cares and nurtures all of us, and to whom we return when we leave this mortal life behind...."

            Steve heard the words the priest spoke, but was unable to really make sense of it all. Mark was no longer on this earth as the man he had known and loved. However Steve had spent the past several weeks getting used to it all, and he was already past the pain and grief, so he was able to sit here and know his father was all right, and hopefully happy. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked back at Jennifer, he touched her shoulder and smiled softly.

            "I'm okay," he whispered.

            "I know, I'm here," she said. He nodded and looked back at the priest.

            The priest was concluding his opening remarks, many of which were directed specifically at Steven and Carol. Steve didn't really hear the final words as Carol leaned deeply on his hand, trying to grasp something as well. Steve's breath caught in his throat at Jack stood up in front of them and smiled gently.

            "I met Mark when I was eighteen, he had recently lost his wife, and was busy raising his own children, Steven who was 21 and Carol who was 17. I remember Mark first telling me about his son Steve and how he missed him. Steve was in Vietnam during the time. Mark needed someone as much as I needed him. I was such a jerk, I was so sure of myself, and Mark just took me, and straightened me out. He gave me the second chance I needed to get my act together. He taught me everything he knew, he would spend afternoons he wasn't working, with me teaching me everything about medicine. His son returned a year later after being injured in duty, and I was so scared I would be pushed aside, by this time I was enrolled in Medical school, and couldn't afford to lose him. But Mark, no he didn't push me away, as far as he was concerned he had two sons now. He took me in and together Steve and I learned from him and each other. It didn't matter to Mark that I was some punk, he loved me just the same, and for that… I'm grateful. Thanks Mark," Jack finished and walked towards Steve. Steve stood up, and Jack pulled him into a hug.

            "I love you buddy," Jack whispered. Steve said nothing, trying to get past the lump in his throat. He was glad he and his father had such wonderful friends.

            "I love you too bro," Steve said. Jack sat down and smiled as Amanda was the next person to get up.

            "I also met Mark when I was about eighteen or nineteen, I was involved in a foster program at the time, and he showed up to help my mom and dad. Mark didn't really care who you were, he always found a spot in his heart for you. Even criminals. Mark was a consultant for the Police Department Steve was on. Mark used to call himself the black sheep of the family. Because so many people in his family were cops, and he was a doctor. But every time you saw Mark go to work, you knew deep down he was the best of both worlds. Mark had one of the most amazing brains anyone could ever get the chance to work with. He solved every case he ever worked on, usually driving his son nuts."

            "Mark wasn't one of those guys who wrote to his children every couple months and let it go. Mark's son moved in with him shortly after his house burnt down, leaving Steve with no place to live. Of course there was no question that Mark would take him in. The relationship between Mark and his son was incredible. I can remember the many conversations I would have with him while Steve was off in the war. It always helped him to talk about it, and Mark loved to talk about Steve. He used to tell me how proud he was of his son Steve, for the way Steve held the family together when Katherine died."

            "When Mark lost his wife he lost part of himself and had to learn how to deal with that, but he had his son to go to. He used to tell me that it was Steve that kept him from self-destructing. Steve and Carol. But it wasn't just his friends, Mark would tell anyone and everyone about his children, Mark was probably the proudest father around. He would tell patients about his amazing daughter who was a nurse and his handsome son who was the best cop in town. To Mark it didn't matter that both his children weren't perfect, all that mattered was that they were his."

            "He gave everything he had to helping those around him, whether it was a patient, a friend, a fellow doctor, or his children. He would go to any length, and often times he did. Steve used to think that his father hated him being a cop, but the pride and faith Mark had in his son was unlike anything else."

            "Mark wasn't the kind of guy to make a person walk away, a younger doctor. Jesse Travis came shortly after Jack left the hospital. He was a unsure young man, and Mark was quick to love him. If you didn't know Mark you would think Jesse was his son as well. He talked of both Steve and Jesse highly. It was no surprise to me when he was talking to a patient a year ago and slipped saying yes my sons Jesse and Steve. I smiled, he told me not to tell anyone, but in reality he also told me that he adored both his sons, surrogate and real. It was true Mark was easy to love, very easy to love," she said. 

            Finishing she walked towards Carol and Steve, giving them both hugs she stepped behind them and sat down beside Jesse, who was crying. Reaching over she gripped his hand and kissed his cheek.

            "He loved you Jesse," Steve gripped Carol's hand for a moment then stepped up to the podium and smiled gently. He wiped a tear away quickly and took a deep breath.

            "My father…he was a kid at heart, I will always remember the moments he used to run around the house with Carol and I playing cowboy and Indians late into the night. One of my earliest memories with my father was a few weeks before my sister Carol was born. I was three years old, and scared that when my sister or brother was born that he and mom would forget about me. My father… lifted me into his arms and held me closely all that night, singing to me, whispering. He never left my side for a minute. When my sister was born two weeks later he spent the entire time sitting with me in his lap, telling me how much he loved me. It was what my dad called our time. He loved our time, when he had a day off he would take me up to a cabin in the hills and spend time fishing with me, or just talking. My dad was a good listener, he listened to everyone. I think it came from being stuck around me, I wasn't a good talker until I got to eighteen, my father could con anything out of me. If I was feeling sad he would sit by me on this log just outside our beach house and talk to me. My mother was never surprised to find us sitting there. When I told my father I was going to Vietnam, he didn't yell, or scream, or even cry. What he did that day is something I'll never forget in all my life. He stood in front of me and with a strained voice he told me that he loved me and wanted me back in once piece," Steve stopped looking back over at the casket.

            "Dad always had little projects, that's what I called his friends that soon turned into another part of his seemingly large extended family. So it was no surprise that when Jesse Travis joined the staff at CGH, not only was his first day spent solving a mystery but it was spent getting to know me. My dad used to joke about me being the stereotypical cop, but he was never angry that I wanted to be a cop. When I was eight I asked him what should I be when I grow up, he looked at me with his crystal eyes and smiled. 'Whatever you want Stevie, because you are your own man.' He told me. It took time for me to realize what he meant, but I thank God for a father like him," Steve sighed, closing his eyes he felt the tears begin to fall. Walking towards Amanda and Carol he was met by hugs.

            The rest of the funeral went on, Steve held close to Jesse, and Jenny. Clinging to both of them, while he had gotten past this he was still saddened, he knew this was the end. He vaguely remembered saying goodbye, dropping a flower on the empty casket and walking away with Jenny at his side. They walked towards the car with Amanda and sighed as he felt a tug at his sleeve, looking down he said Dion crying slightly. He reached down and lifted the boy into his arms.

            "You were my father's biggest project, I know it sounds mean, but he adored you and CJ, he wanted you both to know that. You were the grandkids we hadn't given him, thank you," Steve whispered as Dion hugged him tightly. 

            "I love you Uncle Steve," he whispered. 

            "I love you too kiddo," Steve said and put him back down, he looked at CJ and smiled.

            "I love you both," he whispered. CJ gave Steve a large hug and then allowed the man to stand up.

            "We're all going back to your house, for the wake, how are you?" She asked.

            "I'm okay," Steve said truthfully, Amanda smiled as Jack came over to her side and smiled.

            "I'm glad to hear it buddy," Jack said. Steve nodded, he looked over at Jenny.

            "I'm ready, I'll meet you guys at the house," they all nodded. 

            By the end of the evening Jesse was fast asleep on the couch, Mandie sleeping on his chest. CJ and Dion were asleep in front of the TV, Allison, Amanda and Jenny were in the kitchen helping Carol clean up and Jack was talking to Steve on the deck.

            "Well, how do you feel?" Jack asked. Steve sighed and smiled.

            "Better, for the first time in months I feel like I've got my closure," he said calmly.

            "That's great Steve," Jack said, there was silence between the two when Steve finally spoke.

            "Spit it out man, you didn't ask me out here to talk about how I am," he said. Jack smiled.

            "You always knew me," Jack admitted.

            "Damn straight I do, I've known you since you were eighteen, now tell me what's wrong," he said.

            "I want to propose to Amanda," he said. Steve smiled.

            "This is great, I was waiting for it, I have been since you two knew each other."            

            "Yeah there's only one problem," Jack said. Steve looked at him.

            "What could possibly be wrong?" He asked.

            "CJ, Dion, and Mandie, I don't want them to feel as though we're forgetting about them. Or that we're trying to replace their parents. I don't want bitterness in this family," Jack whispered.

            "Jack, CJ loves you, I mean he loves you. That kid found himself attached to you before he even knew you like his mom. As for Dion, I know that kid, and he may be hard headed and stubborn, but he wants a father. For awhile he was wondering if I would marry his mother, but I told him I didn't love her like that. He wants a father, and while I'm close to one, I'm not his father, and won't ever be. He loves you and if he doesn't he'll learn to quickly, Mandie adores Amanda, you and I both know that. She won't have a problem, the boys love her, and she loves them. What's the real problem," he said smiling.

            "Will she say yes," Steve didn't bother holding back his laugh.

            "You're kidding right, damn man if you don't propose soon she will," he said smiling.

            "You think so?"

            "I know that look Jack, I get it every time I look in Jenny's eyes, and Allie gets the same look from looking at Jesse, it's just too bad he doesn't see that."

            So you think I should ask her?" Steve looked at as though he were bug eyed nuts.

            "Yes!" Steve said chuckling.

            "I want a family with her," he said.

            "Tell her that."

            "I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

            "Tell Amanda how you feel, if you don't she's not going to know," Steve explained.

            "You're right, thanks Steve," Jack said. Steve nodded.

            "While we're on the discussion of marriage, when do you plan on popping the question?" Steve smiled.

            "Hey, would you get out of my love life, when I'm ready," he said smiling as Jack laughed.

            "Nervous?"

            "No, petrified," Steve said laughing. Jack smiled.

            "When did we become such wusses?" Steve smiled.

            "I remember you telling Amanda one point that men die from her kind of cooking," Jack smiled.

            "They get married," they both responded.

            "Thanks Steve, you really helped me, I'd be honored if you were my best man," Jack said.

            "As would I," he said smiling.

            "I'd also be honored if you asked Jesse to be a best man too," Steve shook his head.

            "Oh no, you ask him, you two have got to talk. You're not enemies Jack, believe it or not before you came Jesse was the most talkative, funny, goofiest people I knew, and now he's just nervous. Poor kid as heard so much about you, probably thinks you're a damn God," he said chuckling.

            "I'm not a God, just another one of Mark's many projects," Jack said chuckling.

            "We all were," he said. Jack slowly pulled out a ring box from his pocket and looked at it.

            "I really wish Mark were here," he said. Steve nodded.

            "So do I amigo, so do I, now let's go get you a wife," he said. The two rose from their seats. Steve smacked his best friend in the head on the way through, causing Jesse to open his eyes. 

            "Would you just go to sleep," he said. Jesse smiled, he looked down at the toddler fast asleep on his chest. Jack reached over and lifted the girl into his arms.

            "Come on Mandie, time to get you home," Steve looked at Jack.

            "Tomorrow," he whispered. Steve nodded.

            "Dinner tomorrow here," Steve said, this time Jack nodded. Jack walked into the kitchen with his daughter sleeping on his shoulder and smiled.

            "I'll see you guys tomorrow," he said kissing Amanda, Jenny, Allison and Carol on the cheeks.

            "It was nice seeing you Jack," Carol said.

            "Thank you, it was a pleasure to see you as well Carol," with that he headed out of the house. Amanda smiled as she walked into the living room to see her two boys fast asleep.

            "We'll help you," Steve said as he and Jesse each grabbed a boy and lifted them. Amanda smiled softly.

            "Thanks guys," she said. Steve carried Dion out to the car, and wasn't surprised when he felt small arms encircle his neck.

            "Bye kid," he said to the boy as he and Jesse placed them in the car. Amanda kissed Jesse and Steve on the cheek and got in her car. Steve looked up to see Jenny and Allie coming out of the house, they had come together.

            "Bye ladies," Jesse said kissing Allie on the cheek as well as Jenny.

            "Bye boys," Jenny kissed her boyfriend and pulled away.

            "Bye baby," he whispered. She smiled and got into the car after kissing Jesse on the cheek. Allison did the same to Jesse and joined her. They waved goodbye and pulled out. Leaving Steve and Jesse in the driveway.

            "Come on little brother, let's get you to bed," Steve said smiling. Jesse rolled his eyes and together the two friends headed inside the house.

            "Goodnight Carol," Steve said. She kissed her brother and hugged Jesse then headed off the guest room. Jesse waved goodnight to his friend and watched as Steve headed downstairs to sleep.

            Carol left early the next morning, and Steve then dropped by Jen's house and picked her up for work. Jesse had an early shift so he left just after Steve. It wasn't surprising that night when everyone was at the beach house again that Jack was acting paranoid and nervous.

            "Jack, calm down, jeez, she'll say yes," Steve said.

            "Who will say yes to what?" Jesse asked. Jack looked at Steve.

            "Promise not to blab," Jack said. Jesse smiled and nodded.

            "I'm proposing to Amanda," Jesse's smile widened.

            "That's great!" He said.

            "Shh, she doesn't know, and I'm really nervous that the kids may not like it," Jack explained.

            "I'm sure they'll be fine with it," Jesse responded.

            "Thanks Jess, that means a lot," he said softly. They were all watching a movie when Jack asked Amanda to join him outside on the deck. She smiled as she rubbed her shoulders, the March breeze was gentle and cool, the night sky full of stars, that you couldn't usually see in the city.

            "Sure is beautiful out here," Amanda said. Steve smiled as he looked at her.

            "Sure is," he said. She turned towards him and blushed slightly.

            "Amanda, can I ask you a question," he asked. She nodded. He grabbed her hands and held them tightly in his, looking into her beautiful chocolate eyes she sighed.

            "Amanda Bentley," he slowly dropped to one knee.

            "Would you consent to be my wife?" He asked. There was a tense moment as Amanda looked at him in surprise. 

            "Amanda?" He asked gently, afraid she was about to say no.

            "Did…Oh my god," she whispered, covering her mouth, tears welling in her eyes.

            "Amanda?" He said. She knelt down and kissed his lips.

            "Of course I'll marry you," they were both surprised by a round of cheering, applause and whistling as Allie, Jenny, Jesse, Steve and the kids were all standing just outside the door. Jack shook his head and smiled.

            "All right Jack!" Jesse yelled. Amanda giggled gently and looked at Jack.

            "I thought you'd never ask," she whispered.

            "You thought wrong, you're beautiful," he said kissing her again. Then he looked at Dion and CJ. He stood up and walked over to her children and his daughter.

            "Dion, CJ, can I marry your mother and become a father figure to you?" He asked. Dion looked at him for a moment then at his mother. CJ smiled gently and hugged Jack. Jack looked at Dion, who was still quiet.

            "Dion?" He asked.

            "I'm not really her son… this doesn't mean I have to go away does it?" He asked. Amanda walked over and hugged him tightly.

            "No one could ever make me get rid of you, and you are my son," she said kissing his temple. Dion looked at Jack.

            "You love her?" Jack nodded.

            "You love him?" Amanda looked up at Jack and smiled, nodding.

            "Okay," Dion said lightly, the adults chuckled as Amanda pulled her young son close, Jack smiled and lifted his daughter high into his the air.

            "I'm getting married baby girl," He said holding her tightly and laughing.

            "Let's eat!" Jesse chimed in, causing more laughter.

            Steve was sitting at his desk a couple days later, going over some paperwork when Alex Smith came in, Alex had been another one of his father's "projects" the boy was supposed to be graduating Med School soon and Steve had the feeling Alex would do great.

            "Hi Steve," Alex said. Steve smiled.

            "Hi Alex, what can I do for you?" Steve said standing up and shaking the younger man's hand while he watched Alex sit in the chairs in front of his desk.

            "Well graduation is coming up soon, and as you know it's a really big thing for me and everyone else, and well… Doc Sloan was going to give a speech, and while you're not a doctor many of us thought it would be an honor if you came and spoke in your dad's place." Steve looked at Alex, surprised by the request.

            "Alex…" he paused as the younger man looked at him.

            "Please Steve, it would mean a lot to all of us," Steve sighed.

            "All right," he said, "What does it have to be about?"

            "Basically us, just what you think of us, what we've learned and how you think we'll do in the future." Steve nodded and looked at him.

            "Graduation is in a week right?" Alex nodded this time.

            "All right, I'll be there," Alex smiled and got up to leave.

            "Oh, Alex," he called. Alex turned back and saw Steve with a box in his hand.

            "What's this?" He asked.

            "It's a gift, a graduation gift actually, sort of a little thing from me, dad, Jess and Amanda, to tell you how proud we are of you, go ahead open it," Steve said. Alex smiled and opened the box slowly. Inside was a silver Rolex watch with navy blue around the face. Alex smiled.

            "Thanks Steve," he said. 

            "Read the inscription," he whispered. Alex turned it over.

            "To the third son I never had, we're proud of you Alex, don't forget what's important to you," Alex read allowed.

            "This is great, how long have you guys had this?" He knew since it was inscribed by Mark then it had to have been awhile.

            "Five years," Steve said smiling.

            "Are you joking?"

            "No, dad felt it was important, we were going to originally give it to you that year of your birthday, but things happened and we couldn't, so we're giving it to you for your graduation. Alex, we're all very proud of you," he said. Alex smiled again as he slipped it on.

            "This means a lot Steve," Alex whispered.

            "I'm glad you like it, now get out of here," Steve said chuckling.

            "Bye Steve, and thanks," Steve smiled.

            "You're welcome take care Alex," he said watching the young man leave.

            "My father was a firm believer in truth, justice and faith. If you lacked those you wouldn't make much of a doctor. He used to talk about the group of students he had, not much older than Doctor Travis, and how he saw them as his own children. He would try and play little tricks on them, but one of them would always figure it out. He loved these kids, and felt that in some way he had taught them everything they knew. And he did, these students behind me, have learned a lot, and have been through a lot too. They've shown us what they can go up against and how badly they want it. With strength and determination these kids have shown us that they want to be doctors and that most of all, when faced with a patient they care. I'm honored to have been asked to give the speech today at their graduation in the place of my father, one of the greatest doctors of all time, Dr. Mark Sloan, I know that if he were here, and he is, that he is proud of you guys, each and everyone of you. So as the speaker I'd like to say congratulations and go show us what you can do!" Steve said as the kids cheered. Jesse came up beside Steve and smiled, everyone was clapping.

            "When I call your names please come forward and accept your diploma," Jesse said. He stood beside Steve and began to call names.

            "Kelly Averman….Alex Smith," Steve smiled as Alex came up and gave both him and Jesse hugs.

            "We're all proud of you Alex," Jesse said. Smiling Alex held up his diploma as people cheered. Jesse looked at Steve, and while both men missed Mark, they knew things were indeed going to get better with time.

Allie351-Thanks for the review, while we don't actually know what Steve's middle name is many of us believe it is Michael and use that as the middle name. What you use is up to you.

Dark gothic-don't worry I'm not even close to the end of this story because it is really long. So stay tuned! And thanks for the reviews.


	5. The Perfect Day

**Chapter Five**

**A Perfect Day**

**October 13, 1993**

            The loud knocking on the front door awoke Steve from his deep sleep, moaning slightly he rolled over and stared at his clock, which read in large letters 10:03 a.m. He rolled his eyes, he had today off, and this wasn't his idea of sleeping in. Beside him slept his girlfriend, her arms wrapped around his waist. Sighing he dislodged her from his waist and slowly got out of bed. When he opened the door he was surprised to see Amanda standing there. Raising an eye brow he looked at her.

            "Amanda, what on earth are you doing here, on my day off, waking me up? The wedding isn't for another twenty-four hours," He inquired with annoyance in his voice.

            "I need a favor," she said walking through the door.

            "Couldn't it wait for another two hours," he said. She looked at him seriously, and he nodded.

            "I'll go make some coffee," he said. Ten minutes later they were sitting on the deck, sipping their coffee, when she finally spoke up. 

            "Steve, this is my second wedding, and to be honest, I don't want this one to be like my first one… would….you're father was going to do it, but he can't, and I know you're Jack's best man, but dammit, you're my closest friend and….Steve would you…." He smiled at her and touched her hand.

            "Would I walk you down the isle?" She nodded softly. He reached over and touched her cheek.

            "Of course I would, I would love to," she smiled softly.

            "Thank you Steve, it would mean so much to me, and…. I loved your father and I adore you," she whispered. He smiled and kissed her cheek.

            "I love you to beautiful, now, it's my day off, and I'm up, so I could also use a favor," he said. 

            "Anything," he nodded. 

            Steve pulled his truck up in front of the jeweler, Amanda looked up at the small shop and smiled.

            "Steve…?"

            "Jack to Jenny and Allie to buy your engagement ring, and well I know for a fact Jenny and you have the same finger size, so I would like some help," he said softly.

            "When?" She asked.

            "December 31st, at 11:59 p.m." he said.

            "How long have you been thinking about this?" Steve smiled as he looked at his hands.

            "Since the day I met her, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever met, and one of the only ones I ever wanted to marry. She was the one…we had been talking about it, and we both seemed to pause at the comment, and god, I knew it was her, does that make any sense?"  He said looking at her. Amanda smiled an touched his hand.

            "It makes all the sense in the world, Steve, believe me, I'm proud of you," she said. He chuckled.

            "There was a day when I was sure I'd never get married, never find that one person, but…I found her and I can't tell you the love I feel inside my heart at the thought of knowing from here on, I can wake up every morning with her by my side," he explained. Amanda smiled.

            "I always knew you would find her Steve, always, and I'm glad you found her when you needed her the most." Steve smiled and leaned over, kissing her cheek.

            "Thanks Amanda, for everything," she smiled and nodded.

            "I know you would do anything for me Steve, now let's go get that ring," she said smiling. 

            Steve smiled as he looked at the ring he had chosen, after three rings he had found the perfect one, while he had joked with Amanda for sometime about larger rings, they had found the perfect ring. A small gold ring with two heart shaped diamonds, one was a sapphire blue diamond and the other a white diamonds. Steve knew she was going to love it, now the only trick would be not losing it. Amanda looked at him.

            "Steve you're not really nervous are you?" She asked.

            "Are you kidding, I'm terrified, I wasn't ever this scared in Vietnam," he whispered.

            "Does it still hurt?" She asked, she knew Steve didn't talk about Nam much, but when he did he usually revealed pain and loss. Amanda had heard more than most about it from him. When she had been going through her divorce they had talked a lot about Vietnam, and Amanda being a foster child. They had spent early hours of the morning discussing it, Amanda had found out more about Steve in those three weeks than she had ever known about him in most of their time together. There had been a time when she had been attracted to him, now she just cared for him a great deal like an older brother.

            "Only when I think about it, it's hard; sometimes at night I close my eyes, expecting to see darkness, but I see a different kind of darkness, the kind that haunts you forever. We used to sit in this hot climate area, jungles, so basically you never knew what was ten feet in front of your face, it was usually dark when we attacked, other wise we weren't attacking, sometimes we did, but with all the trees it got dark. You never knew if you were shooting them or some civilian, you hoped you were shooting the right person. I hated myself when I came home, I still do at times. These people would spit on us, yell at us and call us names, said we were murders, and God, I thought so at times. I was proud that I felt I could protect my country, but it made me so angry that these…these people were protesting something they didn't know anything about. People risked their lives over there! I come home, broken, fighting for my damn country and I'm ridiculed about being a murder, they didn't see what I saw Amanda, they didn't kill kids like me. They were over here basking in the glory of even being allowed to protest while we risked our lives trying to save them from losing their freedom," Steve said, his eyes looking out, lost in thought.

            "I'm sorry Steve," she said.

            "I pray my children never witness anything like that, I pray none of you do," he said quietly.

            "Do you wanna talk anymore about it?"

            "I remember the first time I killed a kid," he said chuckling slightly.

            "Shit, I was nineteen, just a kid, and here I was facing off with this kid only a year older than me, both had our guns raised to kill, I remember thinking 'I'm in deep shit' but what to do after I got into that deep shit blew my mind. We fired, he missed, I didn't. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't leave him there, crying in pain, I felt so horrible, so I went to him, I really got to know him, we spent an hour talking before he died of blood loss and shock. He wasn't angry at me, never called me names or told me to go away, he told me thank you and to take something to his family. When I met him family they weren't angry either, they were grateful that he wasn't alone," Steve said.

            "What did it feel like?"

            "Like the death of innocence, I didn't know what to do, so I did something unexpected I helped him, for awhile I was sure I'd be arrested for helping, but they told me I had done the right thing," Steve whispered.

            "It's over now Steve, you know that right?" Steve shook his head and looked at her, his eyes dead and sullen.

            "It's never really over, maybe physically, but in a soldier's eyes the war still rages when they close those eyes, or think about something."

            "Does your dad know any of this," Steve chuckled.

            "Are you kidding, I spent my life trying to protect them from it. Dad wanted to protect me from it when I came back, to push it aside like it wasn't three years of my life, my innocence and childhood stole away from me like clothes ripped off. He wasn't angry, but god I felt so bad, and I never even told him I was a POW for awhile, he would have freaked," Steve admitted.

            "You never told anyone that," Steve shook his head.

            "No, I didn't, I jumped into the line of fire and saved my battalion, but got shot while I was at it, I spent the next six weeks in a POW camp," he admitted.

            "Dear God, that had to be horrible."

            "That doesn't even begin to describe it," he said. 

            "Steve," she stopped, not knowing what to say to him right now. He looked over at him and smiled.

            "Thanks," he said, he then threw his truck into gear.

            "Any time," she whispered. He smiled at her and pulled out. 

            Steve sat quietly at the rehearsal dinner, half listening to the director go through everything, half playing with the fork that was sitting in front of his hands. Jenny tapped him lightly on the shoulder to get his attention.

            "What," he said. Jenny sighed, she looked over at Jesse, Amanda, Jack and Allie, they too looked very bored. 

            "Stop," she said lightly, while they were all excited about the wedding tomorrow morning, it was obvious that the only thing on their minds at this current moment was maybe sleeping tonight. Jenny reached around and gently began to run her hand through the back of his hair.

            "Sorry," he whispered. She nodded and looked back at the man who was still babbling on. 

            "Is everything clear?" Steve shook his head lightly and gazed over at Amanda, who was now smiling.

            "Crystal," Jack whispered as he got up and pulled out his chair.

            "Well, see you tomorrow evening then," he said. They all nodded and slowly got up. Jenny slowly placed a hand on her boyfriend's back and looked at him.

            "That was stimulating," she whispered. Steve chuckled as he slowly walked over to his truck.

            "We'll see you early tomorrow morning," he said looking at Jesse and Allie.

            "Bye guys," Allie said smiling at her friends.

            "Ladies meet at my house, Steve you said the guys will be at yours?" Steve nodded and looked at his girlfriend.

            "Does this mean we don't get to have a little of our own fun tonight?" He asked smiling at Jen.

            "I guess not, save it for later," she said kissing his lips.

            "Oh believe me, I plan on it," he said returning the kiss. 

            "Amanda and I will stop by the house, I'll pick up the boys and bring them over here for the night," Jack said. Steve nodded and kissed his girlfriend one final time as she got into her car and drove off. Jesse patted his best friend on the back and smiled.

            "Let's head home," nodding Jesse and Steve climbed into his truck. Jesse looked at Steve, and smiled softly.

            "Are you in love?" He asked his friend.

            "Jess, isn't that kind of a personal question?" Steve said.

            "Well, yeah but truth is I want to know if what I feel is love too," he said. Steve nodded.

            "Yes, I am head over heels in love with her Jesse," he said.

            "Allie isn't even really my girlfriend, just a close female friend," Steve laughed looking at his friend.

            "You sound like a teenager trying to get out of an accusation. She's not a disease Jess, she's a woman. And unless your not past that coodies stage then I think you might as well give into it," he said.

            "I'm past it, just not very far," Steve smiled and looked at Jess.

            "Don't worry Jesse, when you're sure you'll know."

            "How?" Jesse asked.

            "I didn't imagine myself having this conversation with anyone but a son or daughter, not you especially after that fling with Susan," Jesse glared at his friend.

            "It wasn't a fling, I'm just… I don't want that to happen again."

            "Okay, well let's see, um it's like you've spent your entire life waiting for the moment, and then suddenly it's there and you don't know what to do. Your palms sweat when you're around her, your mind is running a million miles an hour and worst of all you're tongue is frozen. Ask yourself simple questions, do you want to spend your life with her, can you see yourself waking up next to her for the next seventy years of your very young life and most of all, would you die for her?" He said looking at Jesse.

            "Who do I answer the last one?"

            "You can't Jess, not until you get to that moment, but if you can answer all the others with a yes then most likely you can do the same with the last one, because you so badly want to be with her that nothing else matters, not even your life."

            "Have you ever felt like that before?" Steve sighed and looked at Jesse.

            "Yeah, once, a long time ago," he whispered.

            "When?" Jesse asked.

            "Vietnam, the night was supposed to be shipped home."

            "Can I ask what happened?"

            "We were on our way, I was supposed to be on the plane to go home soon, I was supposed to be getting out of the hospital, my friend, girlfriend, Shauna was her name, had planned on being on the same flight. At the last minute they found I still had kidney damage and they weren't prepared to send me home, so Shauna got on the plane, and I didn't. The plane was blown out of the sky, she died," he said softly.

            "Steve, I didn't know."

            "Neither does anyone else, I make it a habit to keep Vietnam pretty much to myself, although it eventually I'm going to have to talk about it," he said.

            "Steve, why don't you tell people more about it?"

            "Because Jesse, it wasn't something to talk about, you were a little kid, you probably don't remember the things we faced when we got home. I don't know anyone that was thrilled to talk about a war after they came home. You know how an ulcer bleeds until you either fix it or bleed to death?" Jesse nodded.

            "That's what war is to people in it or around it, a bleeding ulcer that won't go away until you do something about it, you either take something to cover it up, or you die from it."

            "I never thought of it like that," Jesse said.

            "Most don't Jess, and I pray every day you don't ever have to see what I saw those three years buddy," Steve said pulling into the driveway. Together the two men got out of the truck and headed inside.

            Steve was amazed by how nervous Jack was the next morning while they were getting ready at the house. Steve was sitting on the couch calmly waiting for the limo to arrive, while Jack was in the other room getting ready along with the boys. Jesse in his room.

            "Uncle Steve," a voice called. Steve looked away from his book and smiled at CJ, who was dressed in a nice black suit.

            "Looking good buddy," he said straightening the boy's tie.

            "Do you think daddy would mind if I called Jack daddy too?" CJ asked. Steve looked at the five year old.

            "Your daddy was a good man CJ, and he would want what was best for you and your mom. He loved you guys, and I believe with all my heart that he is watching you. He can see you and knows Amanda is going to be happy with Jack. No CJ, I don't think he would mind one bit. However, if it helps you any Jack doesn't care what you call him because he will always love you," Steve said as he lifted the boy into his lap and smiled. CJ looked back at his 'Uncle Steve', he smiled softly.

            "When are you going to have children?" He said. Steve chuckled.

            "Someday soon I hope, why?" He asked.

            "Cause you'd make a good daddy," he said smiling. Steve cocked a grin and hugged the young boy.

            "Okay I'm ready," Jack said as he came out, Dion right behind him, both looking clean and ready.

            "Good, now where's you're best man, the limo will be here any second," he said. As if on cue Jesse stepped out and smiled, also looking clean and ready.

            "All right, let's go get Jack married," Steve said as he lifted CJ into his arms and they headed outside.

            Steve gently knocked on the bride's door, it was opened slightly to reveal Jenny in a beautiful beige dress, her face glowing.

            "What are you doing here?" She asked.

            "The guys are in place and they're ready whenever you are," Steve said. Jenny nodded and opened the door so he could get in. He looked over the room and drew in a sharp breath when his eyes fell upon Amanda. She was being touched up here and there by Cheryl Banks and Allison.

            "How do I look?" Amanda asked. Steve didn't know what to say. Not sure if he should say what was on his mind, or not.

            "Radiantly gorgeous," he said. Jenny smiled as she looked at him. Amanda was in a beautiful white long flowing dress, her hair back in a bun with a few loose strands, a veil behind her head. 

            "You're looking devilishly handsome yourself," Amanda commented. Cheryl smiled at Allison, she had been asked to be a bride's maid shortly after Allison.

            "The guys are ready, and the guests are all here."

            "Well then, let's get this show on the road," Amanda said. Nodding Steve gently took Amanda's arm.

            "Ready for this?" He asked as they stood in the entrance hall to the church.

            "Ready as I'll ever be, I wish your dad was out there," she whispered. Steve leaned over and looked at her.

            "Amanda, my father adored you, and he would want you to be happy, so on behalf of my dad, I wish you all the best and we'll both walk you down the isle, me in reality my dad in spirit." She nodded and slowly the doors opened. Amanda gasped slightly, as she saw her friends begin to walk down the isle, she could see Jack at the front, with Jesse beside him, next to Jesse was CJ and Dion.

            "Here we go," Steve said as the music began. The church was beautiful, sunlight falling all around Amanda and Steve. Steve couldn't be happier for his best friend, and he smiled even more as he saw Jenny smiling at him.

            "Who gives this woman to this man?" The minister said. 

            "Her family," Steve said, Amanda looked at him in surprise, she had expected her friends, apparently he had changed it.

            "I love ya Mandy," he whispered as he kissed Amanda's cheek and went to stand beside Jesse.

            "Repeat after me, I Jackson Stewart," the minister said.

            "I Jackson Stewart."

            "Take Amanda Bentley," 

            "Take Amanda Bentley," Jack said.

            "To be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse."

            "To be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse," Jack repeated.

            "Until Death do us Part."

            "Until death do us part," Jack said as he slipped the ring on her finger.

            "Now saw your vows," Jack nodded and took Amanda's hands in his again and smiled softly at her.

            "Amanda, I met you when we were still kids, and all I could think was she was so beautiful. You and I would tease each other all the time about things, you were for a long time a sister, but then everything changed, you once told me that you would never forget me and how close we were to each other. All I could think of was that I never wanted to be away from you again. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I don't plan to ever do it again, I love you Amanda, with this ring I thee wed," he said and looked at her. She had tears in her eyes.

            "All right Amanda, repeat after me I Amanda Bentley."

            "Take Jack Stewart," 

            "Take Jack Stewart," Amanda said holding his hands.

            "To be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse."

            "To be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health, for better for worse," Amanda repeated.

            "Until Death do us part."

            "Until death do us part," Amanda said as she slipped the ring on her finger.

            "Now saw your vows," she nodded and gazed into Jack's eyes.

            "I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would fall in love with you, there were days when all I thought about was being a spoiled little daddy's girl. But you were always there for me, and the day you left I couldn't help but think of this feeling I suddenly had, I wanted to hold you forever and beg you not to go. I let you go once and that was a mistake, I don't plan on ever doing that again, with this ring I thee wed," she said looking up at him. He reached out and touched her face with his hand.

            "I know pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride," Jack smiled and took her in his arms, everyone clapped as they kissed. Jack pulled away and smiled at her.

            "A new beginning," he whispered.

            "To old friends," she finished, he smiled and gripped her closely.

            Steve smiled as he and his friends all sat at the table, Jesse was to his left, and next to him were the boys. On the other side of Jack was Amanda and all the girls. Steve looked at Jack and smiled.

            "All right, as the best friend, I guess it's time to give my speech, let's see what can I say," Steve said as he rose, several clinging of glass ringing. Steve rose his glass in the air.

            "I can still remember some of the things Jack and I did to Amanda, or Amanda and I to Jack. They were great sports, truth is I could always tell Jack felt something for Amanda, and visa versa, it's too bad it took them this long. Jack wasn't subtle, but at the same time he wasn't straight forward, so one night when I was sitting at lunch with him, I remember him telling me how he really felt about Amanda. He had made me promise not to tell her, and I didn't. Keeping a secret for ten years is tough, so I'll tell you exactly what he said," Steve said looking at Jack and Amanda, "he looked me in the eyes and said 'one day I'm going to marry her or kill her, because I'm so in love with her I can't imagine a moment without her,' all I could do was chuckle. Truth was I adored her and didn't want to hurt either of them. Jack I'm proud of you and congratulations. Amanda, you're a beautiful woman and if he ever hurts you just call me," he said. Amanda smiled and gave Steve a hug as did Jack.

            They all smile as the music began, the soft song of the 

Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra.
    
    Someday
    
    When I'm awfully low
    
    When the world is cold
    
    I will feel a glow just thinking of you
    
    And the way you look tonight
    
    Yes, you're lovely
    
    With your smile so warm
    
    And your cheek so soft
    
    There is nothing for me but to love you
    
    And the way you look tonight
    
    With each word your tenderness grows
    
    Tearing my fear apart
    
    And that laugh
    
    That wrinkles your nose
    
    Touches my foolish heart
    
    Lovely
    
    Never ever change
    
    Keep that breathless charm
    
    Won't you please arrange it
    
    'Cause I love you
    
    Just the way you look tonight
    
    And that laugh
    
    That wrinkles your nose
    
    It touches my foolish heart
    
    Lovely
    
    Don't you ever change
    
    Keep that breathless charm
    
    Won't you please arrange it
    
    'Cause I love you
    
    Just the way you look tonight
    
    Hmm...
    
    Hmm...

Just the way you look tonight.

            Amanda smiled as they swayed to the music, her head on his shoulder, one of the moments she would forever remember.

            "I love you," Jack whispered.

            "I love you too," she whispered as she leaned further into him, her world was standing still as all she could think of was the love she felt radiating from the man she adored more than anything in the world, looking up she smiled as she saw Steve dancing with Cheryl, while they were partners it was obvious that Steve cared for her much like he did Amanda.

            "Why?" Amanda asked.

            "Why what?" He responded.

            "You named her Mandie, you had a reason?" She inquired as he continued to hold her tightly.

            "I told Angela, my dead wife that I wanted to name her, and Angela knew she was dying, she had always loved the name Amanda, she didn't know it was because I loved another woman."

            "Do you miss her?" Jack smiled as he leaned his head against her's.

            "Sometimes, yes," he replied.

            "She's a beautiful little girl," Amanda said.

            "I know, looks like her mama, and damn it's hard to deal with at times."

            "You've got me now," Amanda said. He smiled.

            "Don't I know it, Thank God for that," he whispered. The music came to an end at last and Jack split from her, he smiled softly as she approached Steve as another song began. They had spent hours deciding a song for each other.

            Amanda smiled as she and Steve slowly began to dance, he chuckled lightly as he heard the song. 
    
    Bette Midler 
    
    Wind Beneath My Wings
    
    Oh, oh, oh, oh -
    
    It must have been cold there in my shadow,
    
    to never have sunlight on your face.
    
    You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
    
    You always walked a step behind.
    
    So I was the one with all the glory,
    
    while you were the one with all the strengh,
    
    A beautiful face without a name for so long.
    
    A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
    
    Did you ever know that you're my hero,
    
    and everything I would like to be?
    
    I can fly higher than an eagle,
    
    for you are the wind beneath my wings.
    
                   Steve sighed and smiled as he held onto Amanda, she looked at him and smiled gently. 
    
                   "You miss him a lot don't you?"
    
                   "Yes, and I'm glad you're all here," he answered.
    
                   "Have you told Jack yet?" Amanda asked as Steve gazed into her chocolate eyes.
    
                   "No, not yet, soon," he said softly. She nodded and continued the dance. Smiling as she could hear Steve humming ever so lightly, which she found strange since he rarely allowed his shield down.
    
    It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
    
    but I've got it all here in my heart.
    
    I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
    
    I would be nothing without you.
    
    Did you ever know that you're my hero?
    
    You're everything I wish I could be.
    
    I could fly higher than an eagle,
    
    for you are the wind beneath my wings.
    
    Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
    
    You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
    
    Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
    
    for you are the wind beneath my wings,
    
    'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
    
    Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
    
    You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
    
    Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
    
    Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
    
    Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
    
    Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
    
    so high I almost touch the sky.
    
    Thank you, thank you,

thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

            Amanda smiled and looked up at Steve, kissing his cheek, "thanks for being the wind beneath my wings," she said calmly. Steve smiled as she walked off towards Jack, Jenny moving towards him.

            "May I have this dance?" Steve asked. Jenny smiled.

            "You can have anything you want from me," she said.

            The reception went on until about two in the morning, when people finally began to leave, Jenny had caught the bouquet and Steve the garter. They headed home after biding their friends a good night, as did Jesse and Allie. Jack looked over at Amanda, Amanda's mother had gladly taken the kids with her for the week, she had been surprised but not angry when she found out Steve would be escorting her daughter down the isle, she knew they were all so close. She adored Steve and Jesse as her children as well. 

            "Ready to go home, pack and head away for two calm weeks on our honeymoon?" Jack asked Amanda smiled.

            "Do you even have to ask?" Jack smiled and chuckled.

            "Come on Mrs. Stewart, let's go home," he said taking her hand. 


	6. The Greatest Year

**Chapter Six**

**The Greatest Year**

**December 31st, 1993**

**11:59**

            Jenny, Steve, Amanda, Jesse, Jack and Allie all watched as CJ, Dion and Amanda opened their presents, Jack and Amanda had been married for just over two months, both were happy and so were their children. They had all went to Jack's house, the beach house down the beach from Steve for Christmas. Jack and Amanda had moved into Jack's house shortly after coming back from the honeymoon. They had all gone to Allie's house for Thanksgiving and would be going to Steve's for New Years. 

            Amanda was still the only one who knew about Steve's proposing on New Year's Eve. She could tell the two were in love with each other. Steve adored her and would sometimes go out of his way to do things for her, including one day her car had broken down and she had no way to get to work, it had been Steve's day off and he willing drove her to the precinct, and remained there to catch up on paper work. It was obvious that Steve had it bad for the young woman.

            "Steve, have you heard a word I said?" Jenny asked touching her boy friend's arm. Steve looked at her and smiled gently. He had been thinking about her, about how deeply he loved her. Part of him just couldn't wait to ask her, praying she wouldn't say no.

            "Huh, no babe I'm sorry I didn't," he said softly, feeling bad. He hadn't meant to ignore her.

            "It's okay, we were just going to sing some Christmas carols, are you all right?" She asked with concern in her voice.

            "Yeah… yeah fine," he said. This was a rough time for Steve, his father had been gone for a year now and it still hurt a lot, he tried to imagine just getting through every day. For awhile it had taken everything Steve had in him to survive the first part of the year, his father had meant the world to him, and silently he thanked God that Jenny had come along only weeks after Mark's disappearance. Steve had gone from leaning on his father at times, to Jennifer. Now he had learned how to deal with his emotions differently, instead of hiding them he would talk them through, and in the past year that's how he had gotten to know Jenny so well. He still remembered the conversation they had had only two weeks earlier when Steve hadn't been able to sleep.

*********

            "Steve, are you all right?" Jenny asked softly as she rolled over in the bed and looked at her boyfriend. She adored this man, and if by some miracle they ended up together forever she wanted to know as much about him as she could.

            "No," he admitted. Jenny found this unusual. While Steve was learning to talk through his problems he didn't always admit to having problems.

            "What's wrong?" She asked. He sighed and slowly rubbed his eyes.

            "Do you ever wonder why you suddenly start having these horrible memories?" He asked. She sat up slowly and leaned against the head board, looking at him as he lay on his side, his back to her she gently began to run her hands through his hair.

            "What's wrong?" She asked again.

            "Ever since dad…disappeared I've been having nightmares periodically about Vietnam, generally it's not a problem, I haven't actually had one in years. Suddenly I'm having them every few nights, I try and not let them bother me but…" he stopped, slowly turning he looked at her, his big crystal blue eyes boring into her's.

            "Do you want to talk about it?" She knew that Mark had always been able to get his son to talk, and silently Jenny had challenged herself to be able to do the same.

            "I used to spend nights in holes in the ground, or in puddles, wet, rain any climate and we were in it. We were terrified, we never really knew if or when someone would bomb us…shot us or capture us. At home people were protesting the war, hell over there half of us wanted to protest the damn thing. My dreams aren't about that though….they're about my time as a POW…" he said softly. She watched him and smiled softly, touching his hand.

            "If you don't want to talk you don't have to, I'm here," she said.

**********

            Steve had spent the rest of that night explaining to Jenny about his in the POW camp, she had been somewhat horrified, but she had continued to listen to him, love him and when he had cried lightly she had held him. Part of him knew after that, she would always be there and most of all; that she wasn't easily frightened off.

            Somewhere in the recess of his mind Steve heard his father's favorite song being sung, and he felt a small tear roll down his cheek.

            "Have your self a merry little Christmas," he sang slowly, as he looped an arm around his girlfriend's waist. The rest of the night was a blur, as they sang, drank coffee and soon Steve helped Jack put the kids to bed. 

            "You know if you're worried about Steve, it probably wouldn't hurt to run him by tomorrow, I'll give him a check up," Jesse said. Jenny shook her head thoughtfully, she knew what was bothering Steve, and it had nothing to do with an illness, not really.

            "Thanks Jess, but what's bothering him can't be fixed medically, only with time," she said touching the younger man's hand. Jesse nodded and smiled softly.

            "Well I'm getting tired, ready to head home?" Steve asked as he and Jack reentered the living room. The six adults smiled and nodded.

            "I guess we'll see you," Steve said lightly as he gripped Jen's hand on the way out.

            Jenny chuckled as Jack told another great story from the hospital. Community General had gone on living after Mark's disappearance, while no one found it simple, they did. Steve was sitting next to Jenny, staring off into the distance as he thought, it was New Year's Eve and something seemed to be looming over Steve's mind for days, since Christmas, today seemed to be worse than ever, she prayed whatever it was, wouldn't last much longer, she had no desire to lose this man.

            "Let's go inside and watch the TV," Jack said. They all nodded and headed inside, but Steve didn't rise.

            "Steve, what's wrong, honey it's almost midnight," Jenny said. Steve smiled softly and looked at her.

            "I know," he whispered as he followed her into the beach house. They all sat down as Steve looked over at the clock, it read 11:54, taking a deep breath he excused himself and headed downstairs, a few minutes later Amanda joined him.

            "How ya doin'?" She asked.

            "Nervous, very nervous," he whispered, "what if she say's no?" He asked.

            "What if she says yes, come on Steve, it's going to be midnight in six minutes, and I know those next six minutes are going to be the most important ones of your life, I believe somewhere your father is watching over you. Now get back up there," he smiled at her and kissed her cheek.

            "You're the wind beneath my wings," he whispered as he reached over and grabbed the ring box and headed back upstairs, Amanda right behind him.

            Jenny scooted over as Steve came back in and sat next to her, Steve waited in anticipation as the clock slowly ticked away the seconds until Steve would drop to one knee and ask her. Even Amanda was getting nervous, she prayed this would work out, if it didn't she knew Steve would never be the same.

            11:57, the clock read, Steve continued to watch it as everyone watched the clock on TV.

            11:58, Steve looked at the TV and smiled gently, looking at Amanda he looked at Jenny.

            11:59, Steve slid to one knee in front of Jenny, her eyes no longer on the TV, but now on her boyfriend as he knelt in front of her. Her eyes growing wide as he gazed into her beautiful orbs.

            "Jennifer Maria I've known you for a year, and everything about you amazes me, I can't let you go, and I won't, would you consent to be my wife?" He asked as he pulled out the ring, every eye in the room went from the TV to them as Steve knelt in front of Jenny, the ring held up in the box, she was staring at him in disbelief. Amanda covered her mouth and gripped her husband's hand. Allison smiled as she watched Jesse intently.

            12:00, this is Dick Clark from New York City, Happy New Year!" he yelled on the TV, but no one in the Sloan household was paying attention. Jenny was quiet, a hand over her mouth, tears welling in her eyes as Steve nervously watched her. 'Please don't say no,' Steve thought, along with everyone else in the room.

            "Jenny?" He asked quietly, the quiver in his voice more apparent than he wished it to be.

            12:01, Jenny took the hand from her mouth away and reached towards Steve.

            "Of course I'll marry you," she finally managed as she got down on her knees as well and hugged him closely. Everyone cheered and clapped as Steve allowed himself to breath again and Jenny cried on his shoulder. Steve allowed her to cry for a few minutes and then he pulled away and ever so gently he slipped the ring onto her finger and smiled as he traced his fingers over her cheek bones and jaw. Amanda smiled gently as Jack pulled her closer and kissed her forehead as he smiled as well.

            "I love you," he whispered as he took a deep breath and held her close again.

            "I know," she said. Jack smiled and gently he patted Steve on the back and led his friend's out of the house.

            "Give them some privacy," he whispered as they slowly got into their cars and drove away.

            His hands slid down her slender body, under her shirt, touching her silky skin, her hands holding him close as her mouth enveloped his, unbuckling her pants, unbuttoning his shirt. He continued to kiss her, never losing strength, he wanted her so badly, and she knew it. Her hands slid up his bareback, he lifted his head for a breath and then continued.

            "Bed," she whispered suddenly, as he split his lips from hers.

            "Huh?" He asked looking at her.

            "I'm not doing it here on the floor," she whispered. He smiled and lifted her quickly into his arms and carried her downstairs, kissing her all the way. He climbed into bed with her and they were once again in each other's arms.

            "I love you," she whispered. He nodded and continued to kiss her, she was now working on his pants. He smiled and intentionally pulled the covers back from under them.

            Jenny opened her eyes the next morning, and for a split seconds she didn't remember last night and then she smiled, Steve was still fast asleep beside her, reaching out she grabbed a pair of pajamas and pulled the pants and shirt on. To make sure she wasn't dreaming she looked down at her ring finger, where his beautiful ring sat staring her in the face. She looked back over at him, covered by the comforter and sheets, only a tiny of his bronzed chest revealed as he slept soundly.

            Getting up Jenny pulled her robe on as well and slowly headed upstairs to cook some breakfast for them, she couldn't believe that it had really happened, but it was true, she would soon be Mrs. Jennifer Maria Sloan, it sounded so amazing. She smiled when she heard the door opening and saw Jack and Amanda entering, Amanda nearly bounded over to her and hugged her tightly.

            "You knew?" Jenny asked smiling.

            "He took me shopping to get you the ring, is he awake yet?" She asked. Jenny smiled.

            "No, I doubt it, he should be as soon as he smells the food, want some breakfast?"

            "Oh, I'm starving," she said smiling. Jack shook his head as Amanda went to work helping Jenny cook, sighing he headed outside onto the deck and smiled. A few minutes later Steve joined him, his hair wet from his shower and a happy smile on him.

            "Nice night?" Jack said. Steve's smile widened.

            "Great, you?" Jack shook his head.

            "Nope, can't, we found out two days ago, Amanda's pregnant," he whispered. Steve smiled.

            "Are you kidding?" Steve asked.

            "Nope, I imagine she wanted you to propose before telling everyone. She was thrilled beyond reason. Like CJ and Dion at Christmas."

            "How far?"

            "Two months," Jack said smiling, his face full of excitement.

            "This is great, you guys are going to have a baby and I'm going to have a wedding," Steve said.

            "You're father would be proud Steve," Jack said.

            "I hope so, my guess is however, that Jenny is going to want to head back to Ohio for the next couple days, she wants me to meet her family," Steve said. Jack chuckled.

            "Uh oh, the in laws," the two men laughed lightly as the ladies came out with dishes of food.

            "I assume you told him?" Amanda asked. Jack looked up at her as Amanda placed the pancakes in front of them.

            "They're cinnamon," she explained.

            "Yes, so are you going to fill you're girlfriend in, or do I have to?" He said. Amanda smacked his head and smiled.

            "Tell us what?" Jenny asked.

            "I'm pregnant," Amanda said. Jenny screamed with excitement, causing both men to jump slightly as she and Amanda excitedly squeaked and hugged one another.

            "Women," Steve whispered.

            "Damn right," Jack said, they held up their orange juice and clinked the glasses together before taking long swigs.

            Steve shook his head as they landed in Cleveland, Ohio, he wasn't really looking forward to meeting Jenny's family, afraid of what they might think of her. He felt Jenny's hand interlock with his as they walked towards a car, it was a blue Grand Jeep Cherokee.

            "I called ahead and asked my brother to bring it by, come on," she said as she placed their luggage in the back.

            "Jen, what are they going to think of me?"

            "They'll love you, even if they don't, it doesn't matter, because I do," she said smiling as she started the car.

            "Ready?" She asked looking over at him. Taking a deep breath he nodded, he was going to go from having just a sister now to having a large family and he was still accepting that. 

            It took about twenty-five to thirty minutes to get her house, which was located in a nice looking neighborhood, there were kids playing in the snow and throwing snow balls, Steve smiled as several people seemed to wave at Jenny as she passed.

            "I'm sorry it's so cold here, January was never my favorite months in Ohio, eventually you wish you could just leave, it is so damn cold," Jenny explained. Steve smiled softly, they pulled up to a large house, with a nice front porch that had a porch swing, a bay window and a friendly atmosphere. Steve looked at it.

            "Nice," he whispered.

            "Come on," she said. Steve sighed as they both got out of the car, there was about two inches of snow on the ground, making it beautiful, if Steve didn't love LA so much he would probably consider moving to a nice place like this. 

            "Are you sure about this?" He asked again.

            "Steve, they will love you, now calm down," the door swung open before Jenny even knocked. A middle aged man with a girl on his back smiled and pulled Jenny into a hug.

            "Jen, how are you!?" He asked, she smiled and stepped into the house, Steve quietly following her.

            "I'm great, how are you?" She asked.

            "The usual, boy wait until mom sees you," he said. Jenny smiled, she adored her mother but the woman was fairly overprotective of her middle daughter and didn't like the idea of the girl being a cop.

            "Oh, Kev, this is my fiancé Steve Sloan. Steve this is my big brother Kevin and on his back is his six year old daughter Stacy," Jenny introduced.

            "Hi," Steve said shaking Kevin's large hand, the man's eyes were green and he had medium brown hair, Steve looked at his fiancée and smiled softly.

            "Let's go meet the rest of the family," she said. Steve wanted to whine, and get far away from this.

            "Mom and Kirsten are in the kitchen, dad and Dan are in the living room with the kids," she nodded and quickly ushered her soon to be husband towards the living room. Steve couldn't help but notice how many pictures there were of the kids, he stopped quickly to look at one of what he assumed was Jenny, she had long flowing red hair, unlike the sandy blond it was now, she was wearing a leather jacket and posing. Jenny laughed gently as she realized what he was looking at.

            "That was my senior year in high school," she said. He looked at her and smiled softly.

            "I like you with red hair," he said.

            "Really, everyone hated it," she said.

            "Brings out your eyes," he said pointing to the bright green eyes.

            "Thank you," she said, "Maybe you'll get to see it personally one day, now come on," she said. Steve nodded and placed the picture back where he found it. They entered a large room, which he guess was the living room, everyone was around the TV laughing and talking, some type of tape was playing, to Steve it looked like a recital of some sort.

            "Daddy," Jenny said. An older man with gray hair and bright steal eyes looked up, Steve winced slightly at how much the man reminded him of his own father.

            "Jennifer," the man said in a baritone voice as he got up and walked over to them, he enveloped her in a hug, kissing her cheek.

            "Hi daddy," she whispered. He pulled back and gazed at her.

            "This must be my soon to be son-in-law," the man said.

            "Yes, daddy this is Steve, Steve this is my father Paul," Steve smiled and shook the older man's hand, he had a sturdy hand shake, and from what Steve could tell his eyes held the same type of wisdom as Mark's had.

            "So, Jennifer tells me you're a Lieutenant with the LAPD?" Steve nodded as the man looked at him. Steve glanced over at Jen who was no longer standing there next to them but talking with another man that Steve guessed was her brother Dan.

            "Yes sir," Steve said strongly, with more dignity in his voice than he felt.

            "Good man, welcome to the family son, come in and join us," he said. Steve was surprised at how nice the man was. Although he was slightly gruff he didn't seem mean.

            "Thank you sir," he said. Paul chuckled.

            "Please, call me Paul, sir makes me feel old, I'd like you to meet my other son Daniel and my grandchildren Todd, and Patrick," the man said pointing to two boys, a teenager maybe fifteen and another boy about eleven.

            "Nice to meet you," Steve said shaking Dan's hand as well as the two young boys.

            "Do, you've got the hots' for my sister huh?" He said. Steve saw the third degree coming, and he was ready, as an older brother himself he had done the same thing to many of Carol's boyfriends when she was a teenager and he had been an adult. She had always hated it, but it's what made him the big brother.

            "Uh, I guess, I love her," he said.

            "Good, do you like football Steve?" Dan asked. Steve smiled easily for the first time since he had arrived at the house.

            "Yes, haven't really played since I was in college," he said. Dan smiled.

            "Good, let's go," he said.

            "But there's snow on the ground," he said.

            "So, that doesn't stop people here in Ohio, come on," the man said. Steve shrugged and quickly followed Dan outside, soon followed by Kevin.

            "Be nice boys," Paul warned as he watched his sons and Steve head outside into the back yard.

            Jenny stood in the kitchen with her mother, her little sister Kirsten, Kevin's wife Annie and Dan's wife Pam, they were all crowded around the window watching Steve play football with Dan and Kevin. He seemed to be holding his own well, showing off his own football skills.

            "No wonder you said yes, he's hot!" Kirsten said smiling. Jenny elbowed her gently.

            "Back off, he's mine," she said as they giggled. Suddenly the winced as Steve was taken down by both men, Jenny shook her head.

            "You better take care of her," Kevin said.

            "We'll kill you ourselves if you don't," Dan said.

            "Guys, guys, look I'm an older brother too, believe me, I'm not going to hurt your sister, not intentionally," he said raising his hands above his head so he could breath.

            "Would you two get off my fiancé please," Jenny's voice rang through the chilled air. Kevin and Dan smiled and slowly got up, helping Steve off the ground.

            "Just remember she's our sister," they said and headed inside. Jenny walked over to him and smiled, her beautiful eyes shining with amusement. He looked down into her eyes and smiled.

            "You all right?" She asked.

            "Sure, nothing a little morphine wouldn't kill. They love you," he said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

            "I know, and I love you," she whispered as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his lips, he bent his neck and pecked her on the lips.

            "I'm the luckiest man on earth," he whispered.

            "You're the first to say that," she said giggling as Steve looked at her. Bending down he picked up some snow and looked at her.

            "Don't you dare!" she yelled laughing. Within seconds they were engaged in a large snow ball fight, finally she nailed him in the face as brought him down, hurrying over to him she knelt on his chest gently and smiled.

            "I love you Steve Sloan," she whispered. He smiled and pulled her down on top of him and kissed her lips.

            "I love you Jen," he said. 

            "Come on, dinner is almost ready," Jennifer said. Steve let out a sigh and quickly fallowed her.

            "This must be Steve," a voice came, Steve turned to face a beautiful woman, with graying blond hair and bright green eyes like Jennifer. She had a radiant smile.

            "Yes ma'am," Steve said smiling.

            "Please, call me Melissa, I'm Jennifer's mother," she answered.

            "Well I see where she got her beauty," Steve said smiling as Jennifer patted his chest.

            "Thank you, it nice to finally meet you, my daughter talks fondly of you," Melissa said. Jen blushed as Steve looked at her.

            "Do you?" He said smiling.

            "Well, what else could I do," she said.

            "Well, I hope I live up to the reputation she gave me," he said.

            "You already do," the woman said. Steve smiled, he loved this woman, and she seemed so open and loving. 

            "Let's eat," whined Dan, receiving a small playful smack from Kevin. Jennifer smiled and lead Steve to the table, he pulled out a vacant chair for her and then pushed it in after she was seated, he then sat down beside her, taking her hand under the table.

            Jennifer's family had almost instantly captured Steve's heart within days of being there, they had spent a week there already, Jenny had taken Steve to several various places to meet various friends, and other relatives. Steve was amazed at how wonderful Jen's friends were and how many she had. After a week there they had decided it was probably time to head back home, Steve stood in front of the family, he found himself being fond of Kirsten and Melissa, as well as Jen's father and two older  brothers.

            "You take care of my daughter and we'll see you in June," Melissa said giving Steve a hug. He nodded and smiled as he gave Kirsten a hug as well.

            "We'll see you soon baby," Paul said. Jen smiled and nodded. Together Steve and Jen got on the plane and sighed.

            "They're great," Steve whispered.

            "I know," she admitted.

            "I know why you're so perfect," he said calmly.

            "Thanks, but I'm not perfect, however I am happy," she whispered.


	7. When No one was Looking

**Chapter Seven**

**Just When No One is Looking**

**March 13, 1994**

            "What time is it?" Steve asked his friend and fellow officer Scott Ackerman, the older man groaned.

            "Stop that! It's ten minutes since the last time you asked, and if you ask again I'll strangle you," Ackerman said stifling a yawn.

            "How long do we have to stay here," Steve groaned, normally he wasn't so childish, but this was driving him nuts, "there's nothing going down tonight." Their thoughts were interrupted by Cheryl's voice.

            "The mice have arrived, let's close this trap," she said. Steve smiled and grabbed his gun and quickly began to check it, Scott did the same with his own gun. They nodded at one another and left the car, approaching the darkened alley cautiously.

            Scott went in ahead of Steve, who normally would be barging right in, he crept into the alley, Steve watching his back. They had made it halfway up the alley when automatic gun fire cut through the silence like a dull knife. Both men dove for cover behind a large dumpster; Steve listened for Cheryl and Adam to return gunfire. After a few moments Scott began his trek forward again, Steve hissing a warning towards him. Something inside of him told Steve to check the rooftops, and as he did he saw one gunman, clad in all black holding a gun aimed directly for Scott's back. 

            Not thinking twice Steve he uncovered himself and began to shoot at the man.

            "SCOTT!" He yelled as he dove, a lightening pain shot through his chest and stomach as his body hit the ground like a limp rag doll. Scott turned around and began to return fire, at some point hitting the gunman.

            Steve vaguely heard the gunfire and something else hit the ground, for a moment Steve didn't understand why anything hurt, he tried to focus on his hand as he looked at it he saw blood dripping off it and suddenly pain shot through his body causing him to moan loudly. The ground was cold and somewhere far away he could hear sirens.

            "Dammit it Steve, what the hell were you thinking," Scott muttered as he came over beside his best friend and co-worker. Scott had gone to school with Steve, and they had been close for a long time, Scott had only recently returned to LA, and wasn't ready to lose his friend just yet. He quickly began to look at the two wounds, as Steve rapidly lost blood, Scott knew if this continued Steve wouldn't even make it to the hospital.

            "Don't die on me Stevie, hold on buddy," he whispered. Scott was only a year old than Steve and looked at him as a younger brother.

            "Scott…" Steve began, but it hurt too much to talk.

            "Shut up Steve, this isn't a good time," he whispered as he pressed a handkerchief to the wounds, annoyed at how quickly it seeped up the blood.

            "Jenny…" Steve cried slightly.

            "Shh, I know buddy, I'll talk to her, just relax," Scott said taking off his coat and wrapping it around his friend.

            "Don't….le….ave….her….alon….e….p….leas….e…"Steve said, pink frothy blood coming from the corner of his mouth. Scott looked down and gently wiped the blood away.

            "Stay with me buddy," he said as he watched his friend loose consciousness, Scott looked around.

            "Where the hell is that damn ambulance!" He screamed. As if in answer to his question a new set of sirens and lights screeched to a halt in the alley, which was now lit up like daylight. The EMTs relieved Scott of his burden and the well-trained crew swarmed around Steve, stopping the uncontrolled bleeding and inserting a tracheotomy tube down the unconscious man's throat to assist his labored breathing. In a matter of minutes Steve was loaded into the ambulance and whisked away to the ER at Community General, leaving Scott in the alley way, on his knees, blood covering his front as he watched in horror.

            "Scott!" Cheryl called as she and Adam rushed towards him.

            "How is he?" Cheryl asked.

            "Just barely hanging on, oh God, how do I tell Jenny and his friends I let this happen, my God, how do I tell the Captain," Scott said as he placed his head in his hands.

            "Oh God," he whispered, "Jenny, we've got to get to her before she gets to Steve," he said.

            "Go!" Cheryl yelled as they rushed to the car. 

            The three detectives joined several others in the waiting room, Captain Newman walked towards them, but Scott didn't allow himself to stop, he rushed past the chairs until Amanda came over to him.

            "How is he?" He asked. Amanda looked like she had just seen a ghost, her eyes red and swollen.

            "Barely alive," she whispered. Scott looked at her and pulled her into his arms. They had all becomes friends quickly, Steve had been so happy to see Scott return a month ago, and to be able to tell him of everything that had been happening lately, for Scott it had been a dream come true, he and Steve had been like brothers during the academy.

            "Amanda, I'm…" he stopped he couldn't talk, and suddenly he wished more than ever that Mark was here and that Katherine had never died.

            "Amanda!?" A voice came from behind them, turning they saw Carol standing there, tears streaming down her face. 

            "Carol, thank god you made it," Amanda whispered as she held the slightly younger woman close.

            "How's my brother?" Carol asked.

            "We don't know honey, we're just going to have to wait, Jack and Jesse are in there with him, as well as Allie, he's got the best help he can get," Amanda said as she looked over at Jenny.

            "Amanda," a voice called gently, hundreds of heads faced Jesse Travis as the short ER doctor walked out into the waiting room, drenched in blood, much like Scott.   He looked at all the people and took a deep breath and began, "the wound is very serious, and he has lost nearly a fourth of his blood supply. We're pumping in units of whole blood as fast as we can, and as soon as he's stable, he's going directly up to surgery." 

            Carol closed her eyes and took a deep breath before asking, "Will he be all right?" 

            "At this point, we just don't know. We're doing everything medically possible for him, be assured of that," Jesse explained weakly.

            Just then the elevator pinged. As soon as there was enough room for her slim form to slide through, Jenny squeezed through the doors. Desperate whimpering noises came from her throat as she ran toward them, her eyes wide and terrified. She was still dressed in surgical greens, though her facemask and gloves had been stripped off and discarded on the trip down from the OR. 

            She observed Scott's blood-soaked appearance and the tense faces around her, and her face completely drained of color. She moaned and her legs started to buckle before Scott gripped her shoulders with both hands and told her, "He's alive," and held her to his chest. 

            She closed her eyes, a shudder convulsing her entire body as she sagged against him, covering her face with her hand and moaning. 

            "God! Oh, God!" 

            Gulping in a deep breath, she turned to Jesse and demanded, "Where is he?" 

            "Exam Room 2." She pulled away from Scott and headed for the exam room with a determined stride. Jesse attempted to block her path. 

            "Wait a minute. You can't go in there." 

            Jenny snarled savagely, "I am an authorized member of this hospital staff and there is no force on this earth that can keep me away from him, so don't you fucking try!"            Jesse knew better than to mess with her attitude and stepped back from her ferocity. She elbowed her way past him and disappeared through the door. The doctors and nurses worked over the inert form in well-orchestrated, efficient movements. Jack, one of the attending physician, glanced up and did a swift double take at Jenny's appearance. 

            "O'Connell, you shouldn't be in here." 

            "How is he?" She ignored the warning and moved closer to the table. Jack blocked her path. 

            "We've stabilized him and we're taking him up to surgery now." 

            "Who's the surgeon?" 

            "Davidson, he just finished another surgery," 

            "I know. I was in the OR with him until about five minutes ago." Two nurses and an intern took the gurney Steve lay on and rolled it toward the elevator that would take them up to the operating room. Steve was barely visible beneath the tubes and wires and machinery that surrounded him. 

            Jenny set her jaw and started to follow until Jack gripped her arm. 

            "Jennifer, you can't go. You know that." 

            "I have to be with him. Get out of my way!" Her voice rose in pitch as she struggled to free her arm. Jack kept his hold on her and spoke calmly. 

            "You know procedure. You're too close to this one. You can't be in there." She struggled in earnest. 

            "Let me go! I'm the only one that Davidson likes to have work with him. He's told me that things go smoother when I'm there. I have to be there!" She cried. Jack pulled her close gently and held her. She had transferred to OR nurse only recently, and thoroughly enjoyed it, Davidson, a doctor in his sixties loved having her there and usually took her. He was her second father in many ways, and Steve enjoyed having the man around as well.

            "Dammit Jen, listen to me, if you go in there the only thing they'll be concentrating on is you and you want them to concentrate on Steve. Please sweetheart, I know you're terrified believe me so am I, but if you go in there something could happen and none of us want to lose him," Jack said looking at her.

            "He's right baby," Davidson said as he walked through the door.

            "Please," she whispered. Mike Davidson gently took her and held her close.

            "I will do my damndest, but I need you to be strong, you know I love this boy like a son, I will do my best not to lose your fiancée, you can come a watch in the viewing room, but nothing more," she nodded. He reached down and kissed her forehead.

            "I will give him my very best sweetheart, that's the best I can do," she nodded and followed him, then stopped.

            "What is it honey?"

            "He has a sister, she should be with me, please?" The doctor nodded and waited as Jenny ran towards the waiting room. A few seconds later she and a blonde haired woman returned.

            "Let's go, I have to scrub up, Jack would you get them in the observation room and then join me?" Jack nodded.

            Amanda sat beside several of the police officers from the precinct, Scott had left to get some clean clothes and take a shower, he hadn't been doing well, but that was understandable at this point in time. She sighed as she saw Jesse come towards her.

            "Let's go to my office, I think you need some rest," she nodded, when she got up though the room was filled with her screams, as pain ripped through her pelvic regions. Jesse caught her as he watched her face grow pale. He quickly noticed the crimson color on her pants and hollered for an OB/GYN.

            "Hold on Amanda, everything's going to be okay," he whispered, wishing he believed himself. 

            Carol and Jenny sat wordlessly in the observation room, watching the drama below them unfold. The intercom was on and they were able to hear and see everything that was being done. Jenny unconsciously reached for Carol's hand as the surgeon made his first incision. 

            "The left lower lung was punctured by the bullet. Collapsed lung," Davidson announced. He spoke as if a group of medical students were watching the surgery, describing every movement, every instrument. The lump thickened in Jenny's throat as she understood the lecture was for her benefit. 

            "Thank you, doctor," she whispered to herself. 

            "The bullet took a downward course through the chest cavity. After seeing the entrance wound, I thought there'd be some heart damage, but we got lucky on that one. Suction." The surgeon's movements were swift, sure, and steady. 

            He and his assistants worked as one, each anticipating the other's actions and having the necessary instruments ready. 

            Suddenly an alarm sounded; one of the monitors showed a flat line. Jenny rose out of her seat and pressed both hands against the window glass, as if attempting to push her way through to the other side. Carol's eyes widened, but she remained motionless.          The surgical team below was unhurried and calm. Appropriate medications were fed through tubes or injected with syringes; dials were twisted. 

            In a matter of seconds the alarms stopped ringing and the tenseness eased, as the anesthesiologist announced, 

            "BP 140 over 80, pulse 80, normal sinus rhythm." Davidson flicked an upward glance at the nurse and the sister and nodded reassuringly. 

            "OK, people, back to work here." Jenny's knees suddenly buckled, and Carol guided her back down to her seat, keeping a strong arm about her shoulders. Shaking, they leaned against each other, but her eyes never left the scene below. 

            "Got some liver damage here," the doctor continued conversationally. 

            "Clamp off that bleeder and let's see what else we've got." 

            Instruments clicked and monitors beeped a steady rhythm. A nurse leaned over and wiped the sweat beading on the doctor's brow. The perspiration was the only sign of the man's exertion; his manner and movements were swift and sure. 

            "Found the bullet," Davidson grunted. 

            "There it is. Lodged in the muscle behind the liver, just missed the renal vein. Got it." Metal clanked against metal as the invading bullet was dropped distastefully in a basin. 

            Just then a nurse entered and whispered something in Jack's ear, his eyes grew wide and shocked.

            "My god, when?" He asked.

            "What's wrong Stewart?" Dr. Davidson asked. Jack looked up at his friend and felt tears in his eyes.

            "I have to go…my wife just had a miscarriage," he whispered unsteadily. When Jenny heard this she let out a loud piercing scream.

            "Go, quickly, nurse you stay here and take his place. Let her know we're thinking of her Stewart," Davidson said as Jack nodded and quickly left, tears trailing down her face. 

            "Get that bleeder tied off. More suction. Make sure we've got all the internal bleeding. How's he doing, John?" Davidson asked looking the anesthesiologist. John looked up at him, tears in his own eyes for Jack.

            "He's been under five hours now. Levels are starting to go up. You about done?" The surgeon checked his work. 

            "I'm ready to close." The heart monitor screamed a warning as the line went flat. This time both Carol and Jenny rose to their feet as one, staring in horror as the line stayed flat and the alarm's keening wail went on and on.

            Jack hurried into the small hospital room where his wife was lying on the bed, sleeping. Jesse looked up and sighed, "I'm really sorry Jack, it's been too much on her, there are no signs of life, she's had a full miscarriage," Jack nodded and watched his friend leave.

            "Mandy, oh God honey, I'm so sorry," he cried as he kissed her cheek and held her hands.

            "Jack?" Her whisper came, his brown eyes met her's as they welled up with tears.

            "I lost it Jack," she cried. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.

            "No honey, it's not your fault," he whispered as he held her, their baby was gone and he didn't know what to do. She was hurting and he just wanted to hold her.

            "I'm sorry baby, god I'm so sorry," he whispered as she sobbed into his shoulder.

            "Can I be alone?" She asked, he looked at her, praying she wasn't going to push him away.

            "Honey?"

            "No, Please Jack I need some time alone," she cried.

            "All right honey, I love you," he whispered. He walked out of the room and lowered himself to the floor where he openly sobbed. He had just lost his child, oh god it hurt so bad.

            Jenny sat beside Steve's bedside as she thought about all that had happened today, no one had seen Jack for two hours, Amanda was asleep, Scott was at home and several cops were still in and out asking how Steve was. Carol had headed home for some sleep and a nice shower. Poor Amanda, she was probably hurting badly as well as Jack. Steve was covered in wires, tubes and other various machines that were doing their best to keep him alive, her hand was tenderly stroking the damp hair just behind his left ear, she couldn't remember much of the past six or eight hours, they had gone by in a bit of a blur, everyone was hurting right now.

            Suddenly the door opened to reveal Melissa and Paul O'Connell, she looked at them and hurried into her mother's arms as she sobbed. Melissa looked at her daughter and smiled as she ran a soft hand through her hair continually.

            "It's okay, mama's got you now, we're not leaving until Steve is better and you are as well." Paul gently began to stroke his daughter's hair and sighed.

            "How are you honey?"

            "Oh daddy, it's so horrible, we're all having some rough times right now, I just want it all to be over, are you staying?" She asked.

            "Until after the wedding baby, so just relax because your mom will take care of you guys."

            "How is he sweetheart?" Melissa asked, she adored Steve by now, she couldn't count the number of times she had spoke to him over the past few months.

            "He's in a coma, but I think he can hear us," she whispered as she sat back down beside him. Melissa nodded and walked over to him, tenderly caressing his forehead she smiled.

            "Well, the first time I come and visit and this is the hospitality you show me, it's okay baby, you're going to get better, we're here for you son, just relax and we'll help you," she said. Suddenly the door opened again and Jesse entered.

            "What's wrong Jess?" Jenny asked.

            "We found Jack, I think you need to come," he said. Jenny looked at her mother.

            "Don't worry baby, we're here," nodding Jenny followed Jesse out of the room.

            Jack was sitting in the NNICU looking at the babies, just sobbing, although he wasn't hurting anyone he was disturbing the babies and nurses some. Jenny entered the room and looked at him.

            "Go talk to Amanda, I don't care if she doesn't want to talk to anyone, these two need to talk now," she said. Nodding Jesse left the room while Jenny knelt in front of her friend.

            "Jack, it's me Jen, I know you're hurting a lot right now, but you're wife and children need you. You've got three other children, and you're little baby is in heaven with God now, you have children here that need you," she whispered, running a hand through his hair.

            "It was a little girl did you know that," he whispered.

            "Yes Jack, I knew, please Jack I really need you to come with me," he nodded and slowly go up. Jenny led him to Amanda's room.

            "Amanda, honey, I know you really don't wanna talk, but I won't watch your marriage get destroyed over this, you adore each other to much," she said. Amanda looked at her.

            "I've never lost a child before," she cried. Jenny walked over and hugged her tightly.

            "I know Amanda, God I know, and I know that it really hurts, but you two have three children on earth that need you. Your daughter is heaven now and far from pain. She's happy now, I know this is hard but you guys need to grieve together, otherwise you won't be able to get past this," she said touching Amanda's cheek.

            Over the next week Jenny rarely left Steve's room, Carol had become acquainted with her family soon and loved them too, no matter how often she was threatened, yelled at or talked to, Jenny refused to leave her husband's side, afraid if she did he would die right there.

            "You're going to make yourself sick if you go on like this," Jesse exclaimed. Between trying to keep Amanda and Jack together and Jenny healthy as well as Steve alive he was finding himself quickly at his wits end. He didn't know how to handle this anymore, Jack was slowly coming to terms but it still hurt to think about his daughter, they had named her Jennifer at Jen and buried her next to Katherine's grave. Amanda, saying she had accepted, it was obvious that she hadn't just yet, but Jesse didn't blame her, she had lost a child, and to lose a child was something more painful that most things.

            "I don't care Jesse, he's more important to me right now, why can't you understand that!?" Jenny asked.

            "Good god, if I didn't know better I would think you're Mark. He was just as stubborn, please Jen take care of yourself, I don't want you in a bed beside him, do I make myself clear?" He asked. She nodded.

            "I love you Steven Michael Sloan, do you hear me, I love you so very much," she whispered.

            "Dammit it Jenny, I'm going to pull you away from him if I have too!" Jesse yelled a few days later. Jenny was pale and sickly looking, the bags under her eyes were huge and would probably qualify as luggage.

            "You can't and won't make me!" Jenny yelled in response.

            "I'm about this close from hauling your ass out of here myself!"

            "Well that's about what it will take," she hollered back.

            "Jenny I swear if you don't go home…" he didn't have time to finish as Paul came in and gently wrapped his arms around her, gripping her around the waist he carried her outside the room.

            "Do you two not understand that you are arguing in a young sick man's room!? The last thing he needs to hear or not hear is you two yelling at one another," Paul said angrily as he glared at both his daughter and the doctor.

            "Daddy," Jenny began.

            "No, no Daddy, this is the Police Captain talking now, and consider yourself a grounded teenager again. I want you to go home and get some rest, Carol and Melissa will remain here with him, I'm taking you home no ifs ands or buts, you're going home. Jesse I think it's time you went home as well, you haven't slept much with everything going on. This hospital will live without the two of you constantly bickering," Paul said. Jesse looked at the man and smiled slightly.

            "You remind me of Mark too," Jesse whispered. Paul placed a hand on his shoulder.

            "Good, because I know you would have listened to him, go home son," the older man said. Jesse nodded and slowly walked away from them. Paul looked at his daughter.

            "Now, you can walk out of this hospital with me, or I can carry you out, the choice is yours," Paul said.

            "Daddy," he knew that within seconds she would lose it. So he gently carried her into an empty hospital room and closed the door, allowing her to fall against him as she sobbed.

            "Every time I close my eyes I see him dying, and I can't imagine a moment without him anymore."

            "I know baby, but if you don't get a little rest you'll be the one in that bed and he'll be hurting."

            Warmth was the first thing Steve was aware of, and a gentle hand caressing his forehead and cheek, slowly opening his eyes he found Melissa sitting by his side gently stroking his face, Carol fast asleep on the couch over in the corner. He found he couldn't really move as he had a breathing tube down his throat, he groaned, causing Melissa to look at him.

            "Welcome back," she said softly. He looked at her.

            "I'll go get a doctor," she said, he watched her get up and leave the room for a moment. Dr. Davidson walked in a moment later.

            "Nice to see you're finally awake Steve, why don't we try to remove the ventilator," Steve nodded and gave a large cough, the one cough caused him to have a fit of coughs once the machine was out, an oxygen mask placed over his face as he tried to regain his breath. Dr. Davidson smiled at Melissa.

            "He's going to be fine, we'll move him to a step down unit as soon as we get his test results back," Dr. Davidson said. Melissa nodded her thanks and smiled at Steve.

            "You gave us all quite a scare big brother," Carol said coming over to his other side. Steve tried to smile, but right now he was trying to just stay awake.

            "Sorry," he muttered, the struggle with his eyes to remain open was being lost rather quickly.

            "Its okay sweetheart, why don't you get some sleep, we'll be here when you wake up," Melissa said as he slowly closed his eyes.

            "Love you," were his final words before he surrendered to sleep.

            "We love you too," Melissa said as she smiled.

            Carol sat quietly at table with Melissa and Paul, they had both been such a comfort to her since they had arrived. She was still missing her own father and they seemed to just step right in and take on the role as Steve and Carol's parents.

            "I can't thank you enough for what you're doing for us," Carol said quietly.

            "Honey, we met Steve three months ago, he was a good boy and loves our daughter, but at the same time we knew about his father's disappearance and the death of your mother all those years ago, we couldn't just let the boy have no family. We don't want to take you're mother and father's place but we would really like the chance to help you both," Melissa said. Carol smiled and touched this kind woman's hand softly, gratefulness in her eyes.

            "We would really like that," she whispered.

            Amanda sat in her bed, tears falling from her face, she didn't know what to do, she felt so useless suddenly.

            "Jack," she called gently to her husband who was asleep beside her.

            "Huh," he responded gruffly.

            "Are you angry with me?" He turned over and looked at her, he quickly sat up and took her in his arms.

            "No, I'm not angry with anyone," he whispered.

            "Not even a little?" She asked, she would feel better is someone was angry, if there was someone to blame.

            "Amanda nothing you did lost our baby girl, nothing I did lost her. Something happened that we can't explain right now, I think sometimes babies die inside their mothers because they wouldn't make it long outside. I know it seems like it would be easier to handle just holding them once, but truth is we don't know anything. Now, you didn't do anything to cause the miscarriage, and neither did anyone else, there is no one to blame, and we can't blame God, because he placed her there in the first place. We have to look at it in a good way, that our little girl is safe, out of pain and happy in God's arms and while we only spent four months carrying her we still had her in our minds and hearts, where she will forever remain. I love you Amanda, and we need to grieve over this loss and then make sure to take care of our other children," as if on cue a small head popped in through the slightly open door, revealing the brown headed four year old girl.

            "Mommy," she whispered. Amanda smiled slightly and watched the girl walk over to the bed, tears were covering her face as well.

            "What's wrong honey?" Amanda asked as she lifted the girl into her and Jack's lap.

            "Bad dream," the girl muttered burying her head in Jack's chest. He smiled gently and began to stroke her soft brown hair.

            "Shh, it's okay baby," he whispered to her.

            "Can I stay in here wif you?" She asked quietly. Amanda sighed and looked at the sweet innocent face of the girl.

            "Of course honey," she said. Jack smiled as they both helped her into the bed, within seconds the girl was fast asleep against Amanda. Jack looked at his wife and smiled.

            "Want me to take her back to her room?" Jack asked. They didn't normally let the children sleep in their bed once they had fallen back asleep. But Amanda held up her hand.

            "I need to be close to her," Amanda whispered. Jack nodded, understanding and cuddled closer to both Amanda and Mandie.

            Scott walked into the room early the next morning and smiled, Steve was awake and talking to Melissa, while she listened and laughed periodically. 

            "Hey kid," Scott greeted. Steve smiled gently and offered a hand towards his friend.

            "Steve I…" he stopped unable to say anything. He had practiced this all night and all the way to the hospital. He saw in Steve's blue eyes forgiveness and gratitude.

            "Did you get 'em?" Steve asked weakly. Scott smiled and nodded.

            "Every one of them," he whispered. He watched Steve slightly for a moment and then smiled. 

            "How ya feeling?"

            "Shit," Steve muttered, causing both Melissa and Scott to smile gently.

            "Not in front of a lady Steve," Scott said. 

            "Sorry," he muttered again.

            "Steve, don't you ever do that again. I'm the one who should be in that damn bed. I went in there acting like nothing could touch me, why did you back up my sorry ass anyway?" Steve cocked a smile.

            "If I don't cover yours then who'll cover mine?" He said. Scott shook his head in disbelief.

            "You're annoying you know that, look I have to head to work, anything you need?"

            "Food," he whispered.

            "What you mean you're favorite dishes here have suddenly gone sour?" Scott asked with a smirk. Steve was always talking about how he loved hospital food.

            "They don't feed you the same stuff from the cafeteria, it's mush," Steve muttered.

            "All right, I'll call Jesse and have him pick something up from Bob's. You just relax amigo," he said smiling.

            "Take Melissa home too, she needs rest," he whispered.

            "I can do that," Scott said smiling. They both watched as Steve's eyes slid closed.

            "Come on Mrs. O'Connell, let's get you back to Jen's house," he said.

            "Don't worry, I'll stay with him for awhile," Jack said. He was dressed in his white overcoat and a pair of blue jeans as well as a blue shirt.

            "You're back?" Scott said.

            "Amanda and I had a talk last night, and a little visitor, we'll be okay, it may take a while, but we'll be all right," he said smiling.

            "Good, come one Mrs. O'Connell," Scott said.

            "Please call me Melissa, Mrs. O'Connell makes me feel old," this caused a laugh from Scott who was probably on ten years younger than her.

            "Now I know why everyone in the precinct is talking about the lovely woman watching over Steve," he said chuckling.

            "It's good to know I'm like," she said smiling.

            "Melissa, I don't think a person in the world could dislike you, Steve was hurting and between you and Jenny, we you guys have helped a lot in bringing him back to us."

            Jenny sighed, she had actually slept for awhile and was heading back to the hospital at last to see her fiancée, she couldn't wait. She missed him so much and was so horribly worried about him, however her dad had told her that he would be fine and he was awake.

            When she entered the room, Jack was sitting beside him with his feet propped up on the bed, he looked bored out of his mind. Jenny smiled at him and walked over towards Steve's head. His eyes were open, but as soon as he saw her his face turned cold and angry.

            "Get out," he whispered. Jennifer's face turned white, as Jack stood up and watched him.

            "Steve, it's me Jenny," she whispered, pain in her voice.

            "I know who you are, I said get out," he said bitterly.

            "Steve, what's wrong with you?" Jack asked confused. Alarms began to go off as Steve's breathing became more labored.

            "I said get out!" He yelled. Amanda and Carol were just entering, Jack instantly took over.

            "You guys need to leave, don't worry," he said as he paged for some help. Jenny stepped outside with Amanda and Carol, both were surprised as well.

            "What was that all about?" Amanda asked.

            "I don't know, I walked in and he instantly told me to get lost," Jenny whimpered. Amanda pulled her close to her.

            "It's okay honey, that's not at all like the Steven Sloan we know and love," she whispered. Just then Jack came out, closing the door behind him self.

            "He's stable, I don't know what that was all about, however he's asked that you do not come back in 

            Two days passed and Steve remained adamant in his orders that visitors were restricted -- at least where Jennifer was concerned. He refused to discuss the reasoning with anyone, and grew so agitated when the subject was broached that no one dared speak of it. 

            After two more days, and agreeing to remain at the beach house with Carol, he was released. He was given a full set of post-op exercises both for his lung and his healing muscles. Carol and Jesse vowed to hold him to the routine. 

            Pale and gaunt, he folded himself stiffly into the large four-door sedan Carol brought to take him home. They traveled in relative silence, and Steve's answers to questions were monosyllables and grunts. 

            By the time they reached the beach house, he was more than ready to take a pain pill and get into bed. Carol helped him into bed and sighed as she watched him fall asleep, gently she brushed a stray lock of hair away from his face and sighed. She watched him for a few more moments before heading back into the living room where Jesse sat with Allie, both were talking, she sat down in a nearby chair and Jack handed her a coffee.

            "I didn't know you were all here," she whispered.

            "We came to talk about Steve," Jack said as he sat down beside Amanda in a chair, which Carol hadn't realized she was here either.

            "I don't know anything if that's what you mean," she said.

            "So the question is what should we do next," Jesse said.

            "We wait, what else is there. Steve won't talk about it, and if we try to make him he'll only react the way he has before, claim up. While this is totally unlike my older brother, I believe there is a reason for this," Carol explained. There was a knock on the door, going to go get it she was surprised to see Melissa and Paul standing there.

            "May we come in?" Carol smiled softly.

            "Of course, we weren't expecting to see you, I thought you would…" she stopped.

            "Angry, no, confused much as you guys all are, as well as our daughter, however I'm not leaving until my daughter and son-in-law get married. I love Steve like my son and that isn't going to stop, because I know something is wrong, now I thought you might all like something to eat and Jenny was telling us about this great Bar-B-Q place," Melissa said handing Carol a bag of food, causing her to smile.

            "You're a gracious woman Melissa O'Connell," Carol whispered as she led them into the kitchen.

            "Once again I see how your daughter turned out so amazing," Jack whispered as he joined them in the kitchen.

            "Thank you Jack, but our daughter made herself the way she is, how are you and Amanda?"

            "We're doing better, how's Jen?" He asked. He had been worried about his young friend ever since Steve's reaction. He prayed she didn't think they all hated her just because he seemed to.

            "She has a broken heart Jack," Paul answered.

            "I hope she doesn't think we all feel this way, I don't know what the hell is going through Steve's mind, but your daughter has changed all our lives for the better, I can't thank her enough and whether Steve likes her or not right now, we adore her and always will," Jack said. Melissa touched the young man's face with a gentle smile and tears in her eyes.

            "Thank you Jack, I will make sure to tell her that, because right now she is so afraid of losing all of you."

            "Never," Amanda said as she and Jesse entered the kitchen.

            "We're here to stay," Jesse said smiling.

            "I now understand why Jenny loved being here so much, thank you," Paul said.

            Two weeks went by, and seeing either Steve or Jenny became a rare thing, Jack knew Jenny was hurting and Steve was getting better physically but there was something about him emotionally that made all of Jack's senses sky rocket. Finally, Jack decided he wasn't going to wait around anymore and he headed to Jenny's house. Sighing he knocked, when he didn't get an answer he attempted the knob and was surprised to find it open.

            "Jen?" He called. He found her sitting on the floor packing up her stuff in boxes.

            "What are you doing here?" Jenny asked.

            "I could ask you the same question, is this your way of dealing?" He asked.

            "Leave me alone, I don't want to talk about this," she whispered. Jack shook his head.

            "Steve says the same thing, you know it's funny that two people so alike and that love each other so very much both find an identical way to hurt each other."

            "What are you talking about!? He's the one that hurt me!" She yelled.

            "Is he!? Come on Jen, get with it here, something is going on in his mind, you know by now how he is, I mean Jesus, for two years you've been deadly in love with him, there is no way you can sit here and tell me you're suddenly out of love with him!" Jack said.

            "Yeah well I am," she said.

            "No you're not and you won't be leaving until I let you. Talk to me Jennifer."

            "Why, so I can be rejected by you too? Incase you haven't noticed Jack, I was the one who came here not knowing anyone. You, Amanda, Jesse and Steve had been friends forever. How do I know that you won't hate me too?" She said.

            "Because we won't," Jack stated.

            "But how, how Jack."

            "Because that's not what friends do," he said.

            "Oh yeah, well what were Steve and I?"

            "Jennifer, listen to me," he said grabbing her by the arm firmly and staring at her in the eyes.

            "I don't know what Steve's problem is, but you need to deal with it, you have a like here, and while it seems like Steve was part of that, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I love you like a sister, and I'm not going to let you leave. Believe it or not that would hurt Steve more than the loss of his father!" Jack yelled.

            "God damn him! Goddamn Mark and Steve! I didn't even know the man, and I'm supposed to measure up to him!" She yelled.

            "No, not measure up, but you helped. You were there, you brought him out of that depression, he didn't survive because of us alone, you were there." 

            "I don't know how to do this anymore Jack, truth is, I'm so in love with that man that I don't know what to do, it hurts, but I can't see him, I wish his father was here, because form the sound of it, he'd being doing a lot better than me."

            "Jenny, come here," he whispered pulling her into his arms. She rested he head against his chest as his chin came to rest on his head.

            "I spent years getting to know Mark, didn't meet his son till after Nam, so I wasn't sure what to think either, let me tell you something honey, Steve does love you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose either one of you to stubbornness. You need to talk to him Jen, not me, not you're parents no one but you. I want to see you two get married and have children, but that can't happen if you don't try to talk to him."

            "I don't know where to start," she whispered.

            "Then start at the beginning, don't let him stop you until you're finished or you're both crying," he whispered.

            "Will you take me to him?" Jack smiled and looked down at her.

            "You bet I will, come on pretty lady," he said smiling.

            Jenny entered the living room where Steve was sitting on his couch, positioned so that he was looking out on to the ocean. His mind seemed to be far away. She took a deep breath and walked over to him.

            "We need to talk," she said in the strongest voice she could muster. He jumped, not expecting anyone, let alone her.

            "Jesus, couldn't you be a little louder," he said.

            "Yes, but I didn't think it would be nice, look Steve, I don't know what's going on up in that head of yours, however I think it's fair to say that we both need to talk and we need to talk now," she said.

            "I have nothing to say," he whispered.

            "No, no you will not shut me out, I've spent two years trying to be near you, around you and with you. I love you too much to let our relationship die before it really begins. Now, what the hell is going on!?" She said.

            "None of your damn business," he bit.

            "This isn't the Steve Sloan I know, is it your dad!? Is that it…. You're so afraid you'll never see your dad again that you think if I go away he'll come back?" She asked, he said nothing.

            "Or maybe it's that you're so afraid if you love me I'll go away too, why not it's happened to you mother and father," she watched something spark behind those crystal blue eyes of his.

            "Is that it Steve," she said quietly.

            "Are you happy!?" He yelled.

            "No, not until I know the answer," she yelled.

            "Fine I'll tell you…" he stopped, his voice suddenly lower.

            "My mother died when I was just fifteen, I felt it was my fault, then my sister Carol left because I drove her away, then I lost friends in Nam, and Jack left, then I lost dad…I have lost so many people close to me that I'm so afraid if I fall in love with you, that I might lose you too, or worse you'll lose me and then what?" He asked looking up at her. Her face had softened within moments, she sat down beside him.

            "I figured if I told you to get lost that maybe, just maybe I could spare you or myself from that pain of loss, I didn't think about how much pain it would be to lose you," he whispered. She reached out and touched his cheek, not surprised to find it wet.

            "I'm here, you're not going to lose me, do you understand Steve, you will not lose me," she whispered.

            "I need you, I love you so much and it hurt so bad at the thought of losing you, all I could think of while lying in that street bleeding was what would happen to you, or the others, I wanted so badly to protect you that nothing else mattered," he explained. She reached out and pulled him close to her, within moments both had resolved and began to cry.

            "I'm sorry, please don't leave me, please," he cried into her waist. She said nothing but they held each other.

~ I originally quit writing this because I didn't think anyone cared, that's not very fair of me, since I know there's always one person who looks forward to reading every story they can get their hands on. Besides I write to write, nothing else. Thanks Please review!~


	8. Hospital Honeymoon

Chapter Eight  
Hospital Honey Moon  
June 3rd, 1994  
  
Steve sighed and looked in the mirror, the pain in his side was getting annoying, but he couldn't think about that, as he was to busy thinking about walking down that isle in an hour. Jesse came up from behind him and smiled.  
  
"How ya feeling?" He asked his best friend. Steve turned slightly and sighed.  
  
"I'd feel better if my father were here," he admitted.  
  
"He is here Steve, he's right here," Jesse said pointing to Steve's chest.  
  
"I know, but I wish he was right here," Steve said pointing to the empty space beside him.  
  
"You've got James and Cate," Jesse said.  
  
"Thank God for that, I don't know what I'd do without those two, and you guys," Steve said quietly.  
  
"Steve, are you okay, you're looking a little pale," Jesse said seeing his friend's face. It was paler than usually, he wanted to blame it on Steve's nerves, but truth was he didn't really think it was nerves.  
  
"Ah, I'm all right, side hurts a little, but I'll live," he whispered.  
  
"All right, well let me know if you aren't," he said.  
  
"You bet Jess," he watched the younger man leave the room and he sat down, his eyes landing on a picture beside his bed, slowly picking it up he had to force back a smile, it was a picture of his father and himself. He sighed.  
  
"Where ever you are dad, I miss you and love you," he whispered.  
  
The wedding came quickly; Steve was dressed in his best, standing up front with him would be Jack, Jesse, CJ and Dion, the ushers in the back were Kevin and Jack. The brides maids were Amanda, Allie, Cheryl, Mandie and Carol, the maid of honor was Jen's little sister Amy. There were cops from the precinct, as well as hospital personnel on both sides. Jen's family was on her side, talking and chatting amongst each other, while Steve's small family was on the other side.  
  
Finally the music began, Jack and Amanda were the first ones to walk down the isle. Amanda was wearing a beautiful light peach colored dress that really brought out her eyes, a smile was evident on her face, Jack was dressed in a nice black suit. Behind them was Carol and Dion, although Dion was only ten he and Carol were having a ball, Carol had taken to the boy quickly and found him much like her brother so they didn't mind being paired. Kevin and Cheryl were after them, Cheryl also looking beautiful in the dress, Kevin smiled at Steve as he came to stand beside Jack and Dion. Allie and Jack, Jenny's brother, were next, Allie hadn't liked the idea of walking with Jack at first, wanting to walk with her boyfriend, however in tradition she had done it and didn't seem to mind much. The ring barer and flower girl were next, as CJ held his little sister's hand and she smiled at everyone. Jack smiled at his two children as they took their places. Finally the best man and maid of honor came, Jesse had a huge smile on his face, probably from Amy who had told him a day ago that she was excited to be walking with the hot one. She smiled at Steve pleasantly and joined the other girls, while Jesse stood beside Steve.  
  
"Thanks buddy," Jesse said.  
  
"Don't thank me, I haven't made my speech yet," he said smiling mischievously as Steve looked at him when the music began. Steve looked up and had to catch his breath, there Jenny stood at the end of the isle, in a billowing white wedding dress, a beautiful veil in front of her face, her long blond hair was dyed not only red but pulled back in a prefect French Braid, a smile on her beautifully delicate face. James stood next to her proudly as he escorted her down the isle, all eyes on them, Steve wanted to grab her and whisk her away, not caring about the wedding, only her. It seemed to take years for them to reach the front of the church and finally the altar. James lifted the vale from her face and kissed her cheek as she did his.  
  
"Who gives this woman away?"  
  
"Her mother and I do," he said smiling. She gave him a hug and watched as Steve's arm took his arm's place.  
  
"You may be seated," the minister said. Steve looked at Jenny, and once again her eyes captured him, they seemed to be a sapphire blue right now, and shining with love for him.  
  
"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today... Do you Steven Michael Sloan take Jennifer Katherine Hudson to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer for better or for worse for long as you both shall live?" Steve smiled and looked at her lovingly.  
  
"I do," he said quietly, finding it hard to speak as he gazed at her.  
  
"Do you, Jennifer Katherine Hudson, take Steven Michael Sloan to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, through sickness and in healthy, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse for as long as you both shall live," she swallowed past the lump in her throat and wiped a tear away.  
  
"I do," she whispered.  
  
"Steven recite your vows as you place this ring of Jennifer's finger," the minister said. Steve smiled and looked down at her hands.  
  
"I met you when I needed someone the most in my life, you never gave up on me, even though there are days when I think you should have. You continued to give me a reason to live, a reason to want to be here. You became a friend, teaching me how to let my feelings go, you once said you didn't really believe in fate...neither do I," he stopped, she reached out and wiped a tear from his cheek, he squeezed her hands, "but when I met you something told me fate was real. I Steven Michael Sloan will love you forever and ever, with this ring I thee wed," he said in a choked voice as he slipped the ring on her finger. She smiled at him.  
  
"Jennifer you do the same," she nodded and gazed at him.  
  
"You were more than a friend, I was lost and needed someone, I didn't have my family, you taught me how to love again, how to stop running. You gave me a reason to finally slow down and take a look around me. You showed me loyalty and honor, even though you don't think so. You did it without anger and heat. You won my heart before pride, you taught me it was okay to grieve but faith in the unknown was better. I Jennifer Katherine Hudson will love you forever and ever, with this ring, I thee wed," she whispered, her face covered in tears.  
  
"Myself and the State of California now pronounces you Man and Wife, you may kiss the bride," Steve smiled and pulled her close, kissing her passionately. She pulled away and smiled.  
  
"I've wanted to do that for a long time now," she whispered. He smiled.  
  
"Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Mr. and Mrs. Steven Sloan," everyone was clapping as Steve and Jenny lead the trial of friends towards the doors. Everyone began to fallow, the families and wedding party came back in for pictures.  
  
Steve and Jenny got to the reception shortly after everyone else, the entire wedding party entered as the people cheered. Steve smiled as he sat down at the long table, dinner soon to begin, they heard some clinking on the wine glasses and Steve leaned over to kiss his bride. She smiled at him, they kissed and then watched Jesse stand up, in front of his friends.  
  
"First off, as the best man I'd like to say congratulations to Steven and Jennifer," there was a roar of clapping, causing both to blush. After it quieted down Jesse began again,  
  
"This is the part where the best man is supposed to say something nice about the groom, well that could be easier said then done," he was pleased when everyone got the joke, "seriously though, There are a million things to say, I think some of the best things I can say is to begin with a fair warning. Jennifer, you're in for stubborn days. This man doesn't give up easily," she smiled at him.  
  
"Steve, you're my best friend and above that my brother, there was a time when I though I would be married before you were, little did I know it would happen. You were once called the Unluckiest Bachelor in LA, a name rightfully earned as many can confirm," he smiled as he heard several people agree, causing Steve to chuckle, "however I think it's only fair to now call you the Luckiest Husband in LA, because that woman sitting next to you put up with a lot of stuff and that shows she loyal, or a gluten for punishment," He raised his glass in the air.  
  
"To Steve and Jennifer, may your lives be filled with happiness, joy and pleasure for every day you are with one another," he said. There was a chorus of glasses clinking and everyone taking a sip. As Jesse sat down Jack stood up with a smile on his face.  
  
"Okay, now this isn't really known to many people, but we played a little trick on Steve and Jennifer and we raided their pictures, so everyone please sit back and relax as we show you a little of their lives," Jack said. The lights got low and the pictures began, the first several were of their childhoods, growing up. Steve smiled as he saw pictures his dad had been watching once, him and his father playing games. Steve smiled as Jenny giggled when a picture of him with long hair was shown. Steve's favorite picture of Jenny was in there, as well as one of her dancing on her daddy's shoes. One of Steve before Vietnam, a picture of his mother and him dancing. More recent pictures of them together, recent pictures of Mark before he had left, the picture taken at Christmas.  
  
The music came to an end as did the pictures she smiled at him as Steve wiped a tear away from his eyes.  
  
"That was beautiful Jack," Jenny said as she gave him a hug.  
  
"Thanks, but it was your sister's idea," he said smiling.  
  
"Okay everyone, it's now time for the first dance of Mr. and Mrs. Steve Sloan," Jenny looked at Steve as grabbed her hand. Taking her out onto the floor he smiled.  
  
A Whole New World By Peabo Bryson and Regina Bell Ooh I can show you the world Shining, shimmering, splendid Tell me, princess, now when did You last let your heart decide?  
  
Jenny blushed as he took a microphone and softly began to sing to her, which she hadn't been expected. He held her close and smiled.  
  
I can open your eyes Take you wonder by wonder Over, sideways and under On a magic carpet ride  
  
A whole new world A new fantastic point of view No one to tell us no Or where to go Or say we're only dreaming  
  
She smiled and took the mike this time, singing into it, he chuckled and held her as she continued to sing.  
  
A whole new world A dazzling place I never knew But now from way up here It's crystal clear That now I'm in a whole new world with you  
  
Unbelievable sights Indescribable feeling Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling Through an endless diamond sky  
  
A whole new world (Don't you dare close your eyes) A hundred thousand things to see (Hold your breath - it gets better) I'm like a shooting star I've come so far I can't go back to where I used to be  
  
A whole new world With new horizons to pursue I'll chase them anywhere There's time to spare Let me share this whole new world with you  
  
Oh  
  
A whole new world (A whole new world) A new fantastic point of view No one to tell us no Or where to go Or say we're only dreaming  
  
A whole new world (Every turn a surprise) With new horizons to pursue (Every moment gets better) I'll chase them anywhere There's time to spare Any where There's time to spare Let me share this whole new world with you  
  
A whole new world (A whole new world) That's where we'll be (Were we will be) A thrilling chase A wondrous place For you and me  
  
Everyone clapped and cheered, surprised at how well they both sang together especially. Jenny smiled as she kissed her husband and part from him. She looked over at her father.  
  
"Daddy, can I have this dance?" She asked. He nodded, while Steve spotted Cate.  
  
"I know you're not my mother, but I would be honored if you let me have this dance...mom?" He said, causing her to smile.  
  
"I would be honored, son," she whispered as the next song began.  
  
Butterfly Kisses By Collin Raye There's two things I know for sure. She was sent here from heaven, and she is daddy's little girl. As I drop to my knees by her bed at night, she talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and I thank God for all of the joy in my life. oh but most of all..  
  
..for butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer sticking little white flowers all up in her hair. -Walk beside the pony daddy, it's my first ride -I know the cake looks funny daddy, but I sure tried. Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night..  
  
Sweet sixteen today.. she's looking like her mama, a little more every day. One part woman, the other part girl.. To perfume and makeup from ribbons and curls. trying her wings out in great big world but i remember..  
  
butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.  
  
You know how much I love you daddy, but if you don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time. Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve her hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night..  
  
(choir: All the precious time)  
  
Oh, like the wind the years go by  
  
(choir: Precious butterfly, spread your wings and fly)  
  
She'll change her name today she'll make a promise and I'll give her away. Standing in the bride room, just staring at her. She asks me what I'm thinking and I said I'm not sure I just feel like I'm loosing my baby girl  
  
she leaned over....  
  
Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there, sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.  
  
Walk me down the aisle daddy, it's almost time does my wedding gown look pretty daddy? Daddy don't cry  
  
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right to deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses..  
  
I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is I know I got to let her go...but I'll always remember...  
  
Every hug in the morning.. and butterfly kisses....  
  
Jenny closed her eyes and leaned against her father as he held her tightly.  
  
"I love you daddy," she whispered. He pulled her chin up and kissed her forehead.  
  
"I love you too baby," he whispered touched her cheek. As the song came to an end she smiled as she saw Steve kissing her mother on the cheek in thanks. Jenny looked at Jesse and smiled.  
  
"May I have this dance?" He asked quietly.  
  
"Of course," he smiled and took her hand. Steve did the same with Amanda and smiled.  
  
I will Be Here By Stephen Curtis Chapman Tomorrow morning if you wake up And the sun does not appear I, I will be here If in the dark we lose sight of love Hold my hand and have no fear 'Cause I, I will be here  
  
I will be here When you feel like being quiet When you need to speak your mind I will listen And I will be here When the laughter turns to crying Through the winning, losing and trying We'll be together 'Cause I will be here  
  
Tomorrow morning if you wake up And the future is unclear I, I will be here As sure as seasons are made for change Our lifetimes are made for these years So I, I will be here  
  
I will be here And you can cry on my shoulder When the mirror tells us we're older I will hold you And I will be here To watch you grow in beauty And tell you all the things you mean to me I will be here  
  
I will be true to the promise I have made To you and to the One who gave you to me  
  
Just as sure as seasons are made for change Our lifetimes are made for these years So I, I will be here We'll be together I will be here  
  
As the night wore on people continued to dance, Steve smiled for at one point the YMCA had come on and he had the pleasure of watching Jack dance with Mandie to the song. It was about one when everyone started heading home, Steve smiled and got into the limo with his wife and kissed her lips.  
  
"Ready for the best vacation of your life?" He asked. She smiled and nodded. They would go home and sleep tonight and then tomorrow they would depart for Hawaii where they would spend a luxurious week in the sun.  
  
"You bet I am," she whispered. Suddenly Steve gasped in pain.  
  
"What?" She asked, worried.  
  
"Nothing, my side hurts a little," he said.  
  
"Steve, those aren't nerves unless your nervous about tonight, which I seriously doubt," she said.  
  
"No, honey I'm fine," he whispered.  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"I'm fine," he lied.  
  
"All right," she whispered. He nodded and soon they were on their way back to the beach house.  
  
Jesse was waiting for something to happen in the ER early the next morning when suddenly he heard a page for him. He ran out into the ER and gasped as he saw Jenny crying and Steve on the stretcher pale white.  
  
"My God, Jen what happened?!" Jesse asked as they rushed him into the Exam room.  
  
"I don't know, he was complaining very little about his side hurting, he said it was nothing, I think his appendix burst," she whimpered. He looked at her.  
  
"Christ, okay, call your mother, I'll page Jack, don't worry honey he's going to be fine," Jesse said as he hurried into the Exam room.  
  
Jack rushed into the ER shortly after the commotion, and saw Jesse in the middle of surgery, "what in the world!?" He said.  
  
"Steve's appendix burst, it's a mess, give me a hand, there's no time to lose," Jesse said loudly.  
  
Outside Amanda, James and Kate were sitting beside Jenny, talking to her as she continued to twist her wedding ring around her finger.  
  
"Nothing ever goes normal around here," Jenny whispered as Kate continued to hold her.  
  
"Don't worry honey, he's going to be fine," Kate said.  
  
"Jen?" Carol called, she looked worried about her brother.  
  
"Carol," Jenny whispered as she hurried to her arms and hugged her.  
  
"What's going on?" She asked.  
  
"He's in v-fib!" Jack yelled as he grabbed the paddles, looking at the heart monitor he yelled clear.  
  
"Charging 350," Jesse said.  
  
"Clear!"  
  
Jenny was sitting silently, unable to think about what was going on around her, she was so worried about her husband. Amanda had offered her coffee about an hour ago, but she had turned it down.  
  
"Jen," a soft voice called, it was Jesse, she stood up and ran into his arms as he held her tightly.  
  
"We've done all we can, it made a mess, we were lucky. There is a risk of infection, but we're pumping him full of fluids to make sure that doesn't happen, would you like to see him?" She nodded slowly and he smiled.  
  
"Come on honey," he said as he led her to the ICU room, he was pale and hooked up to various wires. She went towards him and touched his brow.  
  
"Seems like a few days ago we were here, you've got to hold on Steve, I need and love you. Don't worry about anything but getting better honey," she whispered as she kissed his cold lips.  
  
Jenny spent the next few days by his side, he was showing signs of improvement, however Jesse was annoyed to see he was running a slight fever. Jenny refused to leave his side, while everyone waited coming in and out to see how he was doing. By the fifth day Steve's fever was gone and they put him in a step down unit.  
  
Steve slowly opened his eyes and quickly closed them to fend off the bright lights, a groan emitting from his lips.  
  
"Steve?" Jenny called. He slowly titled his head towards her and smiled softly.  
  
"Some honeymoon," he whispered. She giggled lightly and kissed his cheek.  
  
"You're the only thing that matter, however you do owe me big time on this one Mr. Sloan," she said. He smiled softly.  
  
"Believe me, I intend of repaying you well," he whispered in response.  
  
"I love you Steve," she whispered.  
  
"I love you too," he replied. 


	9. My little Miracles

Chapter Nine  
My Little Miracles  
January 30th, 1995  
  
"I look like a cow," Jennifer said as she glared in the mirror. Steve was walking by and shook his head.  
  
"You do not look like a cow," he responded.  
  
"Oh yeah, well then why is my stomach so big?" She said.  
  
"Um, well honey because you're about nine months pregnant, and that's what happens when you sleep with someone, you get pregnant generally," he said laughing as he wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"Well what was I supposed to do, say no I won't have sex to with you," she said he chuckled and kissed her cheek.  
  
"I'm so hard to resist," he said as she smacked his chest.  
  
"I still think I look like a cow," she said. He threw his hands up in the air in defeat and walked out of the room.  
  
"Can we please go to sleep, I'm really tired," he whispered.  
  
"Am I attractive?" She asked. He laughed.  
  
"Jen, you'll always be the most attractive person in the world, cow or not," he said, receiving a harsh smack in the ribs.  
  
"Hey stop abusing your baby's father," he said smiling as he leaned over and kissed her.  
  
"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I am in love with you, everything about you, even the baby you are carrying, now would you stop calling it a cow or you'll hurt his feelings," she said.  
  
"Steve, we've had this conversation, stop calling the baby he or it, we don't know what it is yet," she said.  
  
"Call it wishful thinking," he said.  
  
"What if it's a girl?" She asked.  
  
"What about it?"  
  
"Would you still be happy?"  
  
"Jenny, boy, girl or alien I'll be thrilled as long as it and you are both healthy and happy."  
  
"Do you think it could be an alien?" She asked.  
  
"Coming from you, who knows," he said as she once again ribbed him hard.  
  
"Ow, would you stop hitting me," he said.  
  
"Why don't you behave yourself," she said.  
  
"I was, then you asked me if you looked like a cow," he said chuckling as she hit him with a pillow.  
  
"What? Is your elbow starting to hurt?" He asked jokingly as he climbed into bed with her.  
  
"You're a fiend you know that," she said.  
  
"One of my better traits," he said smiling. She sighed and curled up against him, Steve placed his warm hand on the protruding belly and smiled.  
  
"My baby," he whispered as he closed his eyes.  
  
Jenny opened her eyes, trying to suddenly figure out why she had woken up in the first place...then suddenly it hit her, pain, oh god she was in labor.  
  
"Steve," she called.  
  
"Yeah," he groaned.  
  
"I'm...I'm in labor," he turned over and looked at her.  
  
"Cute joke," he said.  
  
"I'm not joking, I'm in labor honey," she said as another contraction came. This woke him up quite quickly.  
  
"Okay, just calm down, I'll go get the bags," they had practiced this a million times, but he still didn't seem calm about it.  
  
"Honey," she called he looked at her.  
  
"Get the bags tomorrow, I need to go to the hospital now," she said as she breathed.  
  
"Okay," he answered. He quickly helped her out of bed and into a jacket and sweats and hurriedly helped her to the car.  
  
The ER was quiet and empty, as Steve helped his wife through the doors, Allie saw her first and quickly grabbed a wheelchair.  
  
"You're not due for a week," she said as she helped Jenny sit down.  
  
"Yeah, well I didn't exactly get a choice here," she whispered as another contraction came.  
  
"How far apart are they honey?"  
  
"Ten minutes or less," she whispered.  
  
"All right, Nurse, could you page Dr. Travis and have him report to maternity," Allie said calmly, Steve stood there staring.  
  
"Come on Steve, we don't have time to waste," Allie said. He nodded and followed her up.  
  
Jesse, Jack and Amanda entered the room smiling, it was well past three in the morning. Kate had offered to watch the kids until the baby was born and bring them by in the morning if she was up to it.  
  
"How's the patient?" Jesse asked looking at Jenny who was sweating and trying to rest.  
  
"Oh God, when will this be over," she whispered. Jack smiled and looked over at Steve, who looked about ready to drop.  
  
"Here comes another one," Jenny whispered as she screamed, clinching Steve's hand. He winced as he felt a couple bones crack.  
  
Six hours later the moment was finally coming, Jenny was breathing as she tried not to scream and cry. Steve stood beside her holding her hands as she pushed.  
  
"Okay Jenny a couple more, ready push," Jack said as he smiled. Steve was breathing along with his wife, afraid she would lose concentration or something.  
  
"Come on sweetie, you can do it," he whispered.  
  
"SHUT UP!" She yelled at him. Jesse smiled and chuckled softly, he looked over at Allie who simply shook her head.  
  
"I hope you're not like this when we have our first children?"  
  
"Oh hush up," she said chuckling.  
  
"You're doing beautiful Jen, give me one more good push and then you can relax okay," Jesse said with a smile. With a grunt and a very loud scream as well as two more fingers the baby was born with a loud cry.  
  
"Congratulations, it's a girl," Jack said as he and Jesse looked at the baby, they watched as Steve's eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted dead away.  
  
"Couldn't take the pain," Amanda said as she gently held Jenny and wiped her face.  
  
"What are you going to name her?" Jesse asked, he knew most of their choices.  
  
"Katherine Amanda," Jenny said as she leaned her head back against the pillow and smiled softly, she had done it.  
  
"It's a beautiful name," Jesse said smiling at Amanda, who was obviously honored. Allison took the newborn into her arms and slowly began to clean her, while Jack cleaned himself up and got out the birth certificate.  
  
"Katherine Amanda Sloan, 7 lbs. 4 oz. 18 in. January 31st, 1995," he announced and looked down at the beautiful baby. She was still squalling, Allie picked the baby up and brought her over to Jenny.  
  
"You up to holding her?" Allie asked.  
  
"Are you kidding, I've been waiting eight months and two weeks for this," she whispered as the baby was lowered into her arms, all noise ceased as the infant looked into her mother's eyes.  
  
"Hi beautiful, I'm your mother, and the big lug over there on the floor is your daddy," she whispered, tears running down her sweat covered face.  
  
"She's beautiful," whispered Amanda. There was a moan from the floor, Jack and Jesse both slowly helped Steve to his feet.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You gave birth to a beautiful little girl," Amanda said. Steve smiled slightly and looked down at the girl.  
  
"Why don't you sit down and hold her Steve, you still look a little shaky," Jesse said. Steve nodded and smiled as the tiny baby was brought towards him, he looked up at Amanda.  
  
"What if she doesn't like me?" He asked.  
  
"Steve, you're her father, she'll like you," Amanda whispered as she continued to stroke Jenny's brow.  
  
"Jesse, Allie, Jenny and I have been discussing it for a couple months now, and we'd really like it if you two were her godparents," he whispered. Jesse smiled and Allie blushed.  
  
"God, we'd be honored," Allie answered as she looked at the tiny baby. Jack was already working at sowing Jenny back up while she was falling asleep.  
  
"Steve, why don't you go home and get some rest," Amanda said looking at him.  
  
"When can they come home?"  
  
"Day after tomorrow if everything goes well," Amanda said calmly.  
  
"She seems so small," he whispered.  
  
"Don't worry she'll get bigger and quick."  
  
"I'm afraid I'll break her," Amanda smiled.  
  
"Don't worry you won't break her, just love her. Now, I'll go take her into the nursery and you just go home and get some rest." He smiled and nodded, he walked over to his wife and touched her face.  
  
"I love you," he whispered and bent down to kiss her cheek. 


End file.
